feeling the holidays

i have spent 13 years of christmases in a tropical paradise, give or take a coupla holiday vacations to winter wonderlands, trying harder to get in the spirit than actually being in the holiday spirit. but living in a place where it's cold (bitter bitter cold), it just feels like christmas. and christmas kinda rocks!

yesterday whilst driving miss scarlet to her photo shoot with santa claus, i saw three different groups of folk carrying still-wrapped christmas trees up 14th street. medium-sized, little, a one big tree (at least a bit big to be carrying a number of blocks), but. people. carrying. christmas trees. up the street. up the bitterly cold street, a gray sky overhead, and enough dampness in the air to wonder if it would be rain or snow when it decided to hit.

people all bundled up in, what i surprisingly find to be, fabby gear. i mean, who knew that winter was a beacon for accessorizing. you wouldn't believe the stylishness (along with its antagonist) i see. the hats: fedoras (even on girls!), beenies and berets, vintage cloches, and these super cute wintery ones with the ear muff thing and strings hanging down. not to mention scarves, coats and jackets, and omg! the boots.

the whole package. the christmas trees tossed over one shoulder, and the ones dragged by gleeful kids, the red starbucks cups, the lights, the signs of sales everywhere and the sounds of christmas tunes lighting up every shop, store and starbucks, the santas with bells and the ones sitting with dogs, it's all kinda awesome. fun. happy. charitable. the way christmas is supposed to feel.

it's almost ironic that it takes the shitbag pile of freezing rain, bitter cold dog walks, and slippery sidewalks to feel that true holiday cheer.

~k

dicks on a train

metro insolence is becoming a theme on these music box steps, but the level of chutzpah i encountered today gives fucktarded egoism a whole new meaning. i actually had to ask an able-bodied white male in his mid-30's, who happened to be sitting underneath this sign,


to move his bag so i could sit in the seat next to him.

are you fucking kidding me?

~k

wiki leaks again

i've not yet decided where i stand on this whole wikileaks thing. there is a part of me that rather enjoys the "no shit sherlock" vindication of my long-held beliefs that the obama administration is much better at chess than were the bushies (see cables between u.s. and russia over the missile defense move in exchange for a vote against iran, see cables between u.s. and saudi arabia to get china onto saudi's oil and off iran's, and see cable from the saudi king expressing anger over bush's insistence on "handing iraq to iran on a golden platter," after the king strongly advised against going to war in iraq).

on the other hand, there's something kind of fucked up about the detailed exposure of intricate and presumably diabolical manipulations the leader of the free world must engage in to maintain that salutation, not to mention the safety and sanctity of america. i mean, think about it. we are america. we are the great ones, the "exceptional" if you will. we are pillars of democracy, the tower of strength to the rest of the world, the moral compass we ask others to follow. can we really be all that whilst also playing manipulative games with this country over that, this leader over that, pulling this punch here in order to deliver it there?

for those of us with a working brain and an eye toward the reality of the modern world, the word "duh" does come to mind. but we live in a country full of simpletons who believe the words of "wisdom" spoon fed to them by the likes of glenn beck, sarah palin, and rush limbaugh. we also live in a world where mahmoud ahmadinejad has access to wikileaks (see cables from every leader around the world calling him crazy and telling the u.s. to let israel bomb the fuck out of iran).

so how appropriate is it to over-share the details of what really does go on in the game of multinational diplomacy? and can america stand tall atop the mountain of moral superiority whilst rolling around in the machiavellian mud with the rest of the riff-raff?

you decide.

~k

what if

i think "what if" is a question we've all asked. probably more than once. some of us wonder, others dwell, sometimes in and out of heartbreak and sometimes just because. sometimes out of curiosity, others out of regret, but it's one of those questions in life we can't help but ask from time to time.

i've asked a lot this week past. my dearest little kbd, hot off the midterm campaign trail, has been staying with me since my birthday. with her comes memories of the greatest adventure of my life (so far), obama's campaign trail. i started in texas, met my little kbd in indiana, followed her to south dakota, gave her refuge on the music box steps whilst awaiting her general orders, and watched her leave for florida when that call came.

so, what if? what if, instead of watching her leave for florida, i had followed her there?

i would have given up my music box steps and a six-figure salary to go earn peanuts and live with strangers in orlando. i like to fancy that i'd've been her regional deputy field director, though i may've been a field organizer (with my golden pick of turf). i would have won, and won many accolades doing so, and knowing me, i'd've followed them north to washington, where i would have couch surfed whilst banging on doors and pounding pavement so's to land myself a gig in the president's administration. and i would have.

my last two years would have been very different than they have been. they would have been mired in uncertainty, adventure, and semi-organized chaos. i would have a white house stamp on my resume instead of that of a private-sector director. i would be well on my way to becoming a washington insider, and hating it as much as i do as a washington outsider wanting to stay that way.

i would pretty much be right where i am (though living in a much less lush apartment). i would still have been in zip's wedding in chicago this past june, and i would still be in the throes of the life-changing love affair that started that weekend. and i would still be clawing my way out of this wretchedly douchey city.

so whilst i've no doubt the path would have been much different, i'd still have made my way to this place. for once in my life, it seems i may've chosen the easier path, fraught with fewer gray hairs and wrinkles (thank goodness!) and a much better resume for my next job search. i'm not saying it stops me from thinking about how much fun that other path might have been, how rewarding, how adventurous, and how exciting. but there is some comfort in knowing that i still made it to the place i'm meant to be, and to the person i'm meant to be with.

i guess in asking what if and circling about the possibilities, i've discovered that though i may have chosen the path, the destination was always here, just waiting for me to arrive.

~k

my birthday

last year, my birthday was a really big deal and an even bigger production. before whisking myself off to europe for two weeks of celebrating me (i mean, it was a really big deal for me to get to that place where i was perfectly happy with me, accepting of where and how i got there, and knowing i was due for some big changes), 25 of my closest friends and i had a fabby pho dinner and too many drinks at my favorite neighborhood watering hole. (lotsa favorites last year)

leading up to that night, and through it all, i probably said a hundred times, "this is my last birthday in LA". i didn't know where i was going or how i was getting there, but i knew los angeles and i were ready to part ways after our tumultuous 13 years together.

and here i am. away from los angeles. all the way on the other side of the country, preparing myself for a birthday of a totally different sort. good stuff indeed. my staff is taking "our big kahuna, the fearless leader, the momma of all mommas... to celebrate her 25th birthday," i'm going to treat myself to my first shopping trip since moving to the district five months ago, and then i'm having dinner with my two closest local friends, and (bless her) my kbd-litttle who's coming into DC hot off the campaign trail to make it in time for my birthday.

but i'm still sad. it's just not the same. i live in a place i just can't call home, don't have the network, love, and friendship i had on the other coast, my love is in his time zone for his own birthday without me this week, and it just kinda symbolizes everything else about this new life i so badly wanted: cold and lonely. this year i think i'll be a little more careful about what i wish for before blowing out the candles in my birthday baklava...

~k

a head of air

i've nothing to say.

the end.

~k

post-election rundown

okay, the fat lady has sung, repugs took the house, and my thoughts've been requested.

my initial thought is one of giddiness. it's no fun for me to bag on a potus i love so much. and despite the thoughts of many, i never hated nancy pelosi or even harry reid (though i do think the latter is a bit of a pussy). and as incompetent as the now-lameduck congress has been the past two years, i sincerely believe such is the nature of the game, something that cannot change without an overhaul of washingtonian business the likes of which will take a calamity so great the entire city falls into the potomac. so going nutso on the democrats and bagging them to high hell was never something i was going to do, here or otherwise. john boner and team douchebag (R-all over), on the other hand, means open season here on the music box steps.

and i'm going to start with, "day 2, boner, where are the fucking jobs?"

i also think it will make my job in 2012, to get president obama elected for his second term, a whole lot easier. i mean, the "no to everything" days are over. if team douchebag really does care about america, they're going to actually have to do something. they are going to have to work with the president. if they do nothing, dems win handily in 2012. if they do something and the economy does turn around, guess who benefits come election day? that's right, president obama.

so, my initial thoughts are all kinda good. in the back of my mind, i always did kinda hope it would go this way (though probably not this badly, and not without the hefty concern that it could start an impeachment witchhunt (which would be a very bad calculation on the part of team douchebag (and even i don't think they can possibly be that dumb (can they?)))). i mean, look how good it was for the country when this happened to reagan in '82 and clinton in '94. things got done. they became better presidents. balance was restored. and balance is a good thing, or at least it can be. i would be a little more confident in believing such if the current g.o.p. wasn't such a giant pool of nincompoops.

but we shall see, and i shall snarkily share my thoughts on what will no doubt be a most interesting two years... i might even start watching msnbc on occasion in order to heat up the vitriol. i mean, if you can't beat 'em, join em, right?

~k