it happens sometimes. a high-speed-come-apart. i've probably spent the better part of the last year gearing up for this meltdown. i mean, let's recap.
in the past year, i have lived in three timezones, on two coasts, and in between two rivers in the middle of the country. my heart was shattered, i adopted my baby scarlet, i left my music box steps for an abode inside the beltway, and fell in love en route. after a six month relationship, i got engaged, got fired, moved to st. louis, and started a new job. and now, i'm less than two months shy of a wedding i never wanted in the first place (i'm a barefoot on the beach sans an audience kinda bride), and that's the straw that's breaking my back.
and it's not just all that. i mean, that's a fucking lot, but it's more that i live in this new city (and don't get me wrong, i love st. louis, a lot) where i don't have any tier-one friends around the corner, and i guess i just feel lonely. and maybe that's where i'm meant to be as i march toward this next phase in my life. maybe this is the right time for inner reflection and identity struggle. and it's hard. i'm sad sometimes, mad sometimes, bored sometimes. and i find myself longing (desperately sometimes) for the life i so desperately sought to abandon just a short year ago.
i find myself longing for my life on the music box steps, missing my flat, my deck, my view from schneider's door. i miss the ghetto birds overhead, that stretch of sunset boulevard below, pho cafe, ghetto sushi, brunch at dusty's, and naeun, edith, and colleen. i miss the scent of jasmine from everywhere and nowhere. i miss the park at the bottom of the steps and the rickety wooden stairs at the top. i miss 4100 and my favorite bartender, superman. i miss feeling like nothing mattered and that life was a fair breeze blowing at my whim. i miss not wanting more, not spending my days preparing for all the complicated life is becoming.
and as much as i miss all that simplicity, i also remember that i left because it didn't fit anymore. i remember that i wanted all the complicated my life is becoming. and i still do. i just wish it wasn't so hard, that it didn't hurt so much, that it wasn't so lonely. and i wish i would have known that this in-between stage would be so uncomfortable, because maybe then i wouldn't be so mad, so sad, and so often so out of sorts...
~k
01 June 2011
27 May 2011
09 May 2011
the sweet sweet taste of revenge
over the course of the past week or so, i've read articles and op-eds, witnessed posts on facebooks, and listened to the words of angst - from even dear friends - that some inner turbulance, something deeply troubling, keeps them from celebrating the death of bin laden. i've even felt judged by them, as though some moral superiority separates their reservations from my profligate thirst for blood. so for all of you seraphs standing on your celestial high ground, i've one question for you...
where the fuck were you on the september 11, 2001, when i woke up to the vision of planes crashing into the world trade center? when my heart shattered into a thousand bloody shards as every sense of safety, security, and innocent faith in my country were ripped from my bruised and battered soul? when a sadness i can't even begin to articulate settled into my life, where it remains today and everyday for the rest of my life?
i lost something that day i will never have back. a certain kind of innocence, a blind faith in the invincibility of my america. a belief that our freedom, so wondrous in its immeasurability and universality, was the road to the world's salvation. 'twas a beautiful naivety. so pure, and knowing how purely irrecoverable, i saved the newspaper printed in the wee hours of september 11, 2001, before it happened, so's to hang onto some memory of what life was like before tragedy struck our shores.
but it wasn't just that tragedy struck our shores. it's that someone so evil, someone so consumed by his own egotistical need to blame someone else for that which ailed him, that he lashed out at us, stripping the innocence of an entire people, whilst ripping the souls from more than 3,000 of my american brethren. and in celebratory retaliation for what? because my country has an army base in the land of his birth (a land that didn't even want his ass)? because his part of the world has so long been mired in unrelenting sectarian bickering that it's torn its borders and its people since the beginning of time? and how is that my fault? and how is attacking me and my country going to solve anything?
thing is, it's not. it never was. it's always been just an act of evil committed out of rage, out of impotence. osama bin laden couldn't do anything for his own people, so he took it out on us. and i fucking hate him for that. and i will never stop hating him for that. nor will i ever stop celebrating that america looked him right in the eye before blowing the fucker out of its socket. and i will never be sorry for relishing his death by my country's hand.
never. ever.
~k
where the fuck were you on the september 11, 2001, when i woke up to the vision of planes crashing into the world trade center? when my heart shattered into a thousand bloody shards as every sense of safety, security, and innocent faith in my country were ripped from my bruised and battered soul? when a sadness i can't even begin to articulate settled into my life, where it remains today and everyday for the rest of my life?
i lost something that day i will never have back. a certain kind of innocence, a blind faith in the invincibility of my america. a belief that our freedom, so wondrous in its immeasurability and universality, was the road to the world's salvation. 'twas a beautiful naivety. so pure, and knowing how purely irrecoverable, i saved the newspaper printed in the wee hours of september 11, 2001, before it happened, so's to hang onto some memory of what life was like before tragedy struck our shores.
but it wasn't just that tragedy struck our shores. it's that someone so evil, someone so consumed by his own egotistical need to blame someone else for that which ailed him, that he lashed out at us, stripping the innocence of an entire people, whilst ripping the souls from more than 3,000 of my american brethren. and in celebratory retaliation for what? because my country has an army base in the land of his birth (a land that didn't even want his ass)? because his part of the world has so long been mired in unrelenting sectarian bickering that it's torn its borders and its people since the beginning of time? and how is that my fault? and how is attacking me and my country going to solve anything?
thing is, it's not. it never was. it's always been just an act of evil committed out of rage, out of impotence. osama bin laden couldn't do anything for his own people, so he took it out on us. and i fucking hate him for that. and i will never stop hating him for that. nor will i ever stop celebrating that america looked him right in the eye before blowing the fucker out of its socket. and i will never be sorry for relishing his death by my country's hand.
never. ever.
~k
peace out farm subsidies
i am and have always been opposed to federal subsidies to america's farmers. it's not that i dislike farmers or dislike food, it's that i am enraged by the effects of these subsidies on a variety of other government programs, and their resulting financial and health-related burdens.
let's start with corn. the u.s. government subsidizes about 50% of the corn produced in america, at a cost of about $10 billion per year (much of which is subsidizing ethanol, which in and of itself is a stupid and wasteful attempt to ween ourselves off of oil). of that amount, between $1.5-$3 billion per year is for full-stop corn. and what is it that we do with all that corn?
we make popcorn. we have corn on the cob, creamed corn, and corn mash. and we have high fructose corn syrup, also known as the fattening poison used to make soda, potato chips, unhealthy juices, and other high calorie, zero value foods that are priced so cheaply that they present themselves as the best options to those least able to afford to eat healthy. and why is this a problem?
because the consumption of that shit has resulted in societal obesity, an increase in type-2 diabetes, and an across-the-board increase in medical costs - much of which falls back on federal and state governments who are subsidizing medical care if not full-stop paying the medical bills via medicaid (i mean, it's a bigger problem with the poor, who are the ones benefitting from the low cost of junk food). which also means that i'm paying for it, not just with my tax dollars, but with higher insurance premiums and co-pays, and costlier services for my own health care.
which is, in a word (or three), complete fucking bullshit!
more simply put, costly government farm subsidies = even more costly government health costs = higher taxes and higher healthcare costs for you and me.
there are many other associated costs of these subsidies, ranging from trade barriers to encouraging inefficiencies in farming, to the destruction of fertile farmlands (these big ass farms destroy the lands with chemicals and overuse), and the devastation of small farmers (here and around the world) to the benefit of the corporate big-money farms. in the end, we lose, our government loses, poor countries lose, our health loses, and the market loses.
so let's take away the subsidies, put $10 billion per year back in the government coffers, and let the market right-size the value of america's farms and the fruits of its labors.
~k
let's start with corn. the u.s. government subsidizes about 50% of the corn produced in america, at a cost of about $10 billion per year (much of which is subsidizing ethanol, which in and of itself is a stupid and wasteful attempt to ween ourselves off of oil). of that amount, between $1.5-$3 billion per year is for full-stop corn. and what is it that we do with all that corn?
we make popcorn. we have corn on the cob, creamed corn, and corn mash. and we have high fructose corn syrup, also known as the fattening poison used to make soda, potato chips, unhealthy juices, and other high calorie, zero value foods that are priced so cheaply that they present themselves as the best options to those least able to afford to eat healthy. and why is this a problem?
because the consumption of that shit has resulted in societal obesity, an increase in type-2 diabetes, and an across-the-board increase in medical costs - much of which falls back on federal and state governments who are subsidizing medical care if not full-stop paying the medical bills via medicaid (i mean, it's a bigger problem with the poor, who are the ones benefitting from the low cost of junk food). which also means that i'm paying for it, not just with my tax dollars, but with higher insurance premiums and co-pays, and costlier services for my own health care.
which is, in a word (or three), complete fucking bullshit!
more simply put, costly government farm subsidies = even more costly government health costs = higher taxes and higher healthcare costs for you and me.
there are many other associated costs of these subsidies, ranging from trade barriers to encouraging inefficiencies in farming, to the destruction of fertile farmlands (these big ass farms destroy the lands with chemicals and overuse), and the devastation of small farmers (here and around the world) to the benefit of the corporate big-money farms. in the end, we lose, our government loses, poor countries lose, our health loses, and the market loses.
so let's take away the subsidies, put $10 billion per year back in the government coffers, and let the market right-size the value of america's farms and the fruits of its labors.
~k
02 May 2011
01 May 2011
ding dong...
...the douche is dead! i've never felt so much joy over someone's death. but osama bin laden is one mother fucker who deserves our celebrating his demise.
the end.
~k
p.s. i seriously need to stop watching the commentary and go to bed so i can start my new job tomorrow after a good night's rest.
the end.
~k
p.s. i seriously need to stop watching the commentary and go to bed so i can start my new job tomorrow after a good night's rest.
the question of immigration
i am pretty sure i've written about the dream act before, and about the fierce rhetoric against immigration and immigrants in particularly, but the whole thing still makes no sense to me. unless it's racism. and maybe it is?
statistics show that immigrants are an economic boon in and of themselves. immigrants create mini economies within their communities, with its consumers' demands for clothing, food, transportation, and entertainment. most immigrants work hard, pay taxes, and absorb fewer government resources than their american-born neighbors. and most are all about family, instilling values that mirror the american dream: that if they work hard, they will be rewarded with a better life than their parents lived, and leave for their children a life even better.
there's no denying that there are problems with crime, truancy, and drugs within immigrant communities, but probably no more so than within the communities of the american born. i mean, i live in missouri, the methamphetamine capital of the country, and i'll bet that there aren't a whole lot of immigrants here - relatively speaking i mean. but unlike natural born american criminals, immigrants as a whole are criminalized for the acts of their few. is it that they are an easy target for our need to blame someone else for our woes as a country?
thing is, america _is_ a nation of immigrants. folks of all color, religion, and background have been building this country since its very first days, and will be what makes or breaks america's standing as the world's 'it' place. so why do we hate them so? why do we rally against those who are here and try with all our might to keep out those others who want to be here? what else but not wanting more people who aren't like us infiltrating our borders?
~k
statistics show that immigrants are an economic boon in and of themselves. immigrants create mini economies within their communities, with its consumers' demands for clothing, food, transportation, and entertainment. most immigrants work hard, pay taxes, and absorb fewer government resources than their american-born neighbors. and most are all about family, instilling values that mirror the american dream: that if they work hard, they will be rewarded with a better life than their parents lived, and leave for their children a life even better.
there's no denying that there are problems with crime, truancy, and drugs within immigrant communities, but probably no more so than within the communities of the american born. i mean, i live in missouri, the methamphetamine capital of the country, and i'll bet that there aren't a whole lot of immigrants here - relatively speaking i mean. but unlike natural born american criminals, immigrants as a whole are criminalized for the acts of their few. is it that they are an easy target for our need to blame someone else for our woes as a country?
thing is, america _is_ a nation of immigrants. folks of all color, religion, and background have been building this country since its very first days, and will be what makes or breaks america's standing as the world's 'it' place. so why do we hate them so? why do we rally against those who are here and try with all our might to keep out those others who want to be here? what else but not wanting more people who aren't like us infiltrating our borders?
~k
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)