in blah land

so i'm not writing as much these days, post-election. it's not that i'm not paying attention or don't have a million things to say about the genius behind the timing of edwards' endorsement
today. or the argument i had yesterday with my bff about barack wearing a flag pin (or my moral superiority because i am fighting for a new kind of politics... he he). or that my clutch went out and my spoiled ass car has been sitting in st. louis while i've been stranded for three days. or that i'm homesick, i miss my evansville friends, the campaign kids, my bff, my apartment, home...

maybe it's just too much or perhaps i'm too melancholy. or it could be that i'm just fumbling around inside my own head so deeply that i can't really share what i'm feeling. that i'm a bit lonely, even with my family around (perhaps even more so), that my heart hurts really badly because of things i can't get into here, or that even though only just a few days ago i screamed from the highest mountain and to anyone that would listen that i would NEVER work on another campaign again, while now feeling guilty that i have to go back and be a grown up with a real job, even though the campaign wants me to go to oregon and i kinda want to stick it out in south dakota before going back to california. oh the woes of the campaign trail...

on the one hand, campaigning blows nine kinds of donkey ballsacks. but on the other, it's full of wonderful like-minded people who are also involved because it's the way toward a better america. it also seems that i'm a community organizer at heart (which also means i'm great at my day job of recruiting and developing america's top legal minds). i'm really good at earning early trust and starting the process of building relationships (i mean, everyone likes me till they get to know me). there is the thought that the campaign trail is kinda perfect for someone like me b/c it's about building intense relationships quickly and then walking away after the climax, but before tough times can weigh in. on the other hand, that may be where i suffer the greatest loss.

i suppose that part gets easier with time. it must be that field organizers quickly learn how to keep enough of a distance to not suffer greatly when closely forged relationships are left behind (this was my first time as an organizer and even though i was a mere deputy, i did the same work, built the same bridges, kept the same people coming back every day). but even for the most seasoned mover and shaker, there comes a person (or even a group of people) that makes it hard to leave one town or the next. or maybe such isn't the case for some. i know i've met people on the campaign trail that will never venture far from my thoughts. in texas, there were a few, in california a few fewer, but in evansville, there were many. and i miss you guys a lot. a lot more than i want to admit to you or myself. in you guys, i have seen the best in people, the most wonder, the most dedication, the most love, and the most humanity.

awww, the campaign trail...

driving near eldorado

the other day, i was cruising about 55 m.p.h. on a nearby rural highway and came around a bend to meet the eyes of some savage winged beast gnawing on the carcass of a raccoon. he was right in the middle of the road, his bright red head glowing in the mid-afternoon sun, and looked straight at me. i think he hesitated for just one second, looked at me, looked at the mini, and seriously considered playing chicken. i may have a small car, but even he realized that his highway hash wasn't worth certain death...

the end of my campaign trail

on this journey, i have met people of all races, ages, backgrounds, religions, sexual orientation, and life experience. in spite of all these differences, the one thing we all have in common is that we love our country. we are americans. i have found this to be true in each city, county, and state my feet have stood. it has inspired me to seek out that love of country i knew i once had but have steadily been losing these past several years. it wasn’t all that long ago i referred to myself as an ex patriot. yes, i shared michelle obama’s sentiment. and i can agree now that this is the first time in a very long time i feel real pride to be an america.

how could i not? i am a bitter elitist after all, a “latte-drinking liberal” if you will…

eight years ago, i watched an election torn out of al gore’s hands and dropped into the lap of a man with the sense of an ape (no offense to the apes of the world). when i watched him smirking during debates, and looked into his eyes to see wheels spinning from behind, i couldn’t fathom how so many people in this country voted for that douchebag. not just any douchebag, but a spoiled rich asshole who’d never worked for anything in his life and nearly bankrupted the state of texas when standing as its commander in chief. then he went on to prove what a spoiled little asshole he is by destroying america’s reputation around the world, shaming its people, bleeding the lives of thousands of americans who sacrificed their lives for the greater ideal of america (sidebar here, if you’re not into cheesy, you might want to stop reading right now), and trampled on our civil rights in furtherance of controlling an oil-rich region of the world. makes me sick!

oh people like to tell me all the time how the war has nothing to do with oil, that our government and corporations in this country haven’t benefited from this war. but anyone who believes that is willfully consuming the loads and loads of shit being fed to them by the media. the media, owned and operated by the same rich white assholes who want you to keep voting on things like abortion, gay marriage, and a tax break that will amount to about $50 over the course of a year. cuz while we focus on things that don’t really affect our daily lives, the fat, rich, white assholes sit in a big room, smoking cigars, making the decisions that actually do affect our lives, and laughing about how easy it is to keep getting richer while the rest of us get poorer and dumber.

in the past three months, i have met people in and on the way from california to texas, through denver, omaha, chicago, and into southern indiana. we have talked politics, life and love, and of course, why they are or aren’t supporting senator obama. we have talked about the things on their minds, the things they worry about, and the things that make them happy. the thing i’ve found most commonly is that we are all looking for a better country, a better life for ourselves and our families, and a better world in general. the thing is, if everyone would pay attention to barack obama and those of us who make up his campaign, you will see that we are your best bet for a brighter future.

i do get your hesitation. i get that it’s hard to believe, when all you’ve seen is disappointment. i get that you’re scared and i see why you might feel that way. i just don’t buy it. my choices will not be made out of fear, because the rewards are worth the risks. even if we don’t succeed, i believe the journey toward the failure, the hopes and fears we encounter, the obstacles we overcome, the joys and the pains are all in furtherance of being better. when we live in fear, we let others make decisions for us, because we don’t know what to do, because it’s easier to later blame someone else if things don’t go as planned than to accept responsibility for making the choices that ended in failure. besides, “they” know better. i’m here to tell you that no “they” don’t know better. “we” know better. “we” know best. this is why i’m asking you to believe in and support the “we” in senator obama’s campaign.

yeah, we’re younger, we’re a bit more naïve, and we see the world through rosier glasses than many. but it’s that hope that drives us to get up every morning and choose to have a brighter day. by making that choice every morning (as opposed to waking up every day and asking, “who or what is going to fuck me over today?”), i know i’m making an impact on the world. i make sacrifices for the betterment of myself and my world, but i enjoy the successes and the rewards of a blessed life. i appreciate who i am, what i’m doing, where i’m going, where i’ve been, and every footprint left by every soul who has touched my heart along the way. in return, i give my love back to the world tenfold. i am the change i want to see in the world. and so long as barack obama keeps leading me and people like me, we will be able to bring that light into the lives of our communities. we will be able to organize the best teams of dedicated public servants and we will march toward a better america, recruiting new and previously uninvolved soldiers along the way.

this is what i believe. this is why i’m finishing my portion of the campaign trail, satisfied that i achieved the goal i sought. i helped indiana secure barack obama’s nomination. and this is why i’m taking the long way home, through hills and parks, in states i’ve not yet been on this journey. i am rediscovering my patriotism and the people proud to call themselves americans. but look out los angeles politics, because i am coming back for you. i don’t want to be one of you (i really do hate campaigning), but i will be watching and writing what i see. i will tell it as i see it through the voice of my experience and i will be looking for those of you who entered public service because you are the change you want to see. i can promise that i will be your greatest ally and fiercest critic in our march toward a greater america. but i will be marching alongside you and reaching out to open, listening minds everywhere.

the people of obama’s campaign

“the true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love…” che guevara

nick and i have been talking for days now about barack vs. the movement he leads. how it takes the right kind of person, that once in a generation figure who can reach out across all barriers into the roads of all walks of life. how in our little (bug huge) community in indiana, we have come together from all walks of life to end this campaign on may 6th.

today as i was heading up my new post as the first face of campaign headquarters, i sat with my co-first face and one of the local political heroes, estella. estella is pushing 80, african american, all kinds of wonderful, and a true public servant in her community (and she knows everyone). i don’t know that i possess the knowledge of words to describe my admiration for her. she speaks with a wisdom i can only hope to someday be able to share. when she speaks of her late husband, she says, “they just don’t make ‘em like that one”. so simple but so beautiful, those eight words speak volumes of her love for her husband, the wonderful life they shared, how much she misses him, and how much she looks forward to the day they reunite in the great wonder that lies beyond. those are certainly eight words i hope to say every single day to the lucky man who wins my heart. today she said, “i thank the lord every day for letting me live long enough to see something so beautiful as this campaign… white folks, black folks, young and old, all working together this way.” again, in those few words, estella summed it up. we, the people of this campaign, come from all walks of life, but we are guided by a great feeling of love and together we are marching toward a greater america, and taking our first steps toward a better world.

i know you want to think that sounds a little bit cheesy and a whole lot naïve and maybe even stupid, but if you stop and think about it, it’s the cynicism, acquired by years, decades, and centuries of talk without walk that make you think that way. and it doesn’t have to be that way. i really do believe that working together, the people of this country (and the world eventually) can make anything happen. every single day since i first joined this campaign, back in february, i have witnessed the greatness in this campaign, have seen that it is a place where things happen to and for people who want it badly enough. i have seen the great things that happen when folks from all walks of life find common ground and the terrible that happens when those same folks focus that energy on that which divides us. it’s a choice we make every single day when we wake up. some of us wake up every day and say a quick prayer, thanking the universe for the small and great wonders in our lives. others of us wake up every single day wondering who’s going to fuck us over today. and more of us live somewhere in the middle, where we go through phases of each, and wonder if it was our negativity that brought the terrible or the terrible things that made us negative and cynical.

fortunately, right now, right this very moment, there are hundreds of us who wake up every single day thanking our lucky stars for the beauty in our lives so we recognize the great feeling of love that guides us. hundreds of us are on the ground right now, in towns and cities across america, making phone calls, knocking on doors, feeding and hydrating and supplying the volunteers and offices for the barack obama campaign, and some of us even running those offices. some of us are paid, most of us are not, but all of us are guided by a great feeling of love and we are being led by the next president of the united states, working side-by-side because we all believe that we are the change we’ve been waiting for.

cross posted at daily kos

i had to think it over first

before i could really respond to the last round of debates. i left the debate (a big group of us met up at ivy tech to watch the debate and make calls during commercials and it was wonderful) feeling that barack had won. no question. hillary had to admit she was a liar on national television, barack stood strong in the face of questions he's going to have to answer at some point (b/c it's not like that douchebag sean hannity is ever going to stop whining about anything), and he was very adamant about defending himself, the movement he leads, and all of us who support him. i felt good about that because he stood strong in the face of an all out attack by abc.

but i'm also glad abc did what it did (niall stanage sums it up quite nicely over at the guardian, http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/niall_stanage/2008/04/the_dumbest_debate_in_america.html). abc and gibsonopolis (thank you, mr. colbert), in particular, did us all a favor by showing us exactly who is responsible for the mud slinging that's going on right now. that's it's the main stream media (msm) who perpetuates all the nonsense that keeps their ratings up and our focus off the things that matter. i mean, really, if we are all focused on tearing each other down over things like casual acquaintances, words taken out of context and mangled to destroy one's character, religion, guns, and everything else that divides us, we will keep voting for the candidates all the rich, white guys want in the white house. so they can keep exploiting us, squeezing the life from the middle class, forging imperialistic marches into oil-rich countries around the world, just to deepen the pockets of their greedy white friends.

so readers and fellow americans out there, let's just step back and say thank you to abc. you have finally shown the last man, woman, and child in doubt that it's you and your evil empire that fight to keep regular folks like us down in the trenches so that you can make more money. and a shout out to all you regular folks, like me, who are desperate for change, for a better country and a better world. let's all promise that we're going to stand up against those who fight to keep us down and get barack obama elected president.

i'm in indiana, fighting a battle on grounds of undecided voters. this is where the election can and will end. come join me, come join us. we've got the greatest group of grassroots folks on the ground with us and are armed for battle every day of the week. if we had a few more soldiers, we could cover more ground, and reach a few more of those undecideds who aren't really undecided, but need to know it's okay to vote for the young and inexperienced guy who talks about hope and believing in ourselves and tells us that we are the change we've been waiting for. these people want to talk, they want to hear why you're supporting barack obama, they want to know it's okay to vote for him. and all we need is a little more of you.

cross posted at daily kos

how great the rewards can be

wow, camp clinton's political machine is sure showing its true colors, confirming its predictability, and proving that it's just too run down and out of touch to really give america what we want and need. and i can't help but wonder if some strategic someone or other, who has historical insight into politicians generally and the clintons more specifically, hasn't helped team obama give senator clinton just enough rope to hang herself while sitting back and watching as she hops into the noose.

the most daming thing to clinton is that we like barack. he's a good guy, a decent and genuine man who has taken the road less traveled in spite of the many adversities he's had to overcome. and he means what he says. i mean, in last night's debate, hillary admitted to the camera that she's a liar and acted as though it were no big deal (as though her husband's dishonesty didn't cost america years of better-spent time tangled up in perjury, lewinsky, and impeachment). with each passing day, her hypocrisy is brought into brighter light, and the sight of her foolishness is beginning to outweigh my urgency to seat a democrat in the white house.

she talks about change, in response to his movement for change. she says she wants things to change too, but then resorts to the very behavior senator obama rebukes as the old style politics that keep us from moving our country forward. but i get it. it's the only way she can win and because winning seems to mean more to hillary clinton than the will of america, she fights on and does so with the same viciousness she criticized back when she was on its receiving end. and i have no doubt it is going to backfire for her, because i have to believe that the american people are smarter than that, and i have to believe that americans are so fed up with the bullcrap in d.c. (and the frat-boy busy administration in particular), that we will see through all the mud being slung to find a bit of hope in the junior senator from illinois who inspires us to believe that yes we can!

and who knows. maybe in the end we will discover that no we couldn't. and maybe we won't. and maybe he won't be able to deliver the promises he is trying to make. but wouldn't you rather take a chance on the new guy who talks about hope, and leads americans to believe that we possess the power within ourselves to make our country great again? wouldn't it be better to give barack obama a chance than to elect someone we already know will disappoint us like all the other politicians before them? isn't it about time to try something new and someone new? someone i adore above all others once said to me, something along the lines of, "no risk, no reward" and i for one am taking the risk.

evansville heating up

oh goodness, i'm feeling the pressures of campaign life for the first time since i began this journey. i haven't slept in a week, the little ole township i've been assigned has 3,000 doors to knock and 10,000 phone calls to make in the next ten days (before we move into getting out the vote), and there aren't near enough of us (YET!) to make it happen. that being said, i'm recruiting like a mad woman to make sure we can get enough people in the door to hit the pavement and get on the horn. and with michelle coming into town this week for a town hall, the madness is astounding...

and on top of that, obama has found himself in the midst of a pickle fest. or maybe even strategized himself into a pickle revolving around religion - an issue that has been the downfall of the democratic party for the past couple of elections...

look, the GOP managed to win the last presidential election on the issue of gay marriage. people tell me that's an oversimplistic explanation for a presidential election mired in war, a dumb president, and a stiff and unrelatable john kerry. but when george bush can win a second term when more than half the country is fed up with his idiocy and not liking the direction of a war (a WAR!), there is clearly something else going on. gay marriage. the GOP is awesome when it comes to pointing out the failures of my own party and in manipulating their base into voting on issues that don't matter. but the thing that does matter that the dems are great at ignoring (for a lot of reasons that i believe revolve mostly around insecurity and fear in alienating an entire group of voters) is religion.

so the dems don't touch the issue. we skirt around it, talk about growing up going to church, pander to the religious leaders as well as we can, and then sit back and ignore the fact that our indifference to religion is what alienates church-going might-be democratic voters.

i'm no different. i'm not religious. i'm certainly spiritual and believe in something greater than me and i think i'm a good person who strives to treat others as i wish to be treated (sometimes i fail, but i am always trying). my biggest issue with organized religion is (and for a very long time has been) that i have found religious people to be some of the most intolerant people i have ever met. i think jesus christ, muhammed, moses, zoroaster, buddha, krishna were incredible leaders whose kindness, warmth, spiritual connection to the universe, and lessons remain inspirational to this day. i also believe that if people of all religions worked as hard to live their lives in the footsteps of their prophets (instead of competing with one another and cutting each other down), this world would be a place without war, poverty, hatred, genocide, orphans, segregation, and all the other things that bring each of us a great deal of strife in our daily lives and the lives of those we love, as well as those we don't even know all around the world. it is the hypocrisy of preaching tolerance while treating those who are different with intolerance that drives me from religion.

that being said, i am aware that religion is the foundation of our great country. i am aware that most people in this country are religious, and i am gaining a new respect and will even go so far as to express admiration for the familial connections within the religious community. even more than that, i appreciate that my party needs to embrace the religious community in this country. we all need to work together AS ONE if we are truly to make the changes in america that we need to make. the religious community is already organized and working toward the betterment of the world in its local, national, and international efforts to end poverty, extend healthcare, and improve the lives of people living in developing countries around the world. our party and, quite frankly, the whole world needs to embrace the good work done by people of faith all around the country and the world. i mean, really, we all have the same ultimate goals, don't we? we all want to live in a better, more inspired, more progressive world, right?

and maybe, just maybe, obama's latest "blunder" was actually a great move because it's really opening up a dialogue about religion, about how the dems have historically failed the religious, how faith helps us all make the world a better place, and ultimately, about how the clinton camp really is all about down and dirty same old politics. further, last night's compassion forum provided some real insight into where each of them stand when it comes to religion, faith, and tolerance. from where i sat, it seemed to me that one of the candidates spoke from their heart and responded to the questions asked while the other candidate politicked their way through the questions without ever really responding. it was a really great way to see which is a person and which is a politician. i know which i prefer...