back in 2008, i spent a coupla months in my homeland, working on the campaign that changed the trajectory of my life. and whilst it was definitely the campaign that ignited my belief that the world is changing for the better, kicked hope into high gear, and set me off in the right direction, it was evansville that captured my heart.
i met the world's most amazing people in that town. and that i'm from there is proof that i really am as awesome as i think i am. those people, along with the love they found in one another and in community, and then shared with us (the campaign staff) freely, restored my faith in humanity.
i think about them all the time. some of the things they said to me still ring in my ears and keep me focused, balanced, and moving forward (even when it's really hard). i will never forget how much they love gave me. and i sure hope they know my love for them is as strong today is it was the day i followed kbd-l to south dakota.
~k
06 March 2010
05 March 2010
ready to bounce
i walked out of the foreign service officer exam today, came back to the music box steps, and it hit me that i'm ready to go.
the test was. well. interesting? the general knowledge multiple choice is impossible. that shit, you either know or you don't. and sadly, i'm not sure i knew much.
the second section was about me, the types of tasks i've handled, the skills i've developed throughout my career, how i manage my time and handle my stress, and how well i work with people. how well i get on with folks from widely varying backgrounds. and just how much professional ass i can kick, generally.
followed by grammar. check.
and an essay.
once back on the music box steps, i realized i'm being considered for what is in every possible way, my dream job. i could make this into a major opportunity. by being a committed political and communications guru, on top of managing the members and planning conferences, i can help the organization grow. and that is awesome! and i will kick ass, because i believe in the work it's doing. and would be honored to be a part of it.
so, if i get the offer, and i can take it, i'm ready to pack. and just like everything else lately that makes so much sense it doesn't, being ready to bounce off these steps snapped in an instant.
~k
p.s. maybe that dream's not about freddy krueger after all. thinking back, i always did foresee a 2010 spring with cherry blossoms...
the test was. well. interesting? the general knowledge multiple choice is impossible. that shit, you either know or you don't. and sadly, i'm not sure i knew much.
the second section was about me, the types of tasks i've handled, the skills i've developed throughout my career, how i manage my time and handle my stress, and how well i work with people. how well i get on with folks from widely varying backgrounds. and just how much professional ass i can kick, generally.
followed by grammar. check.
and an essay.
once back on the music box steps, i realized i'm being considered for what is in every possible way, my dream job. i could make this into a major opportunity. by being a committed political and communications guru, on top of managing the members and planning conferences, i can help the organization grow. and that is awesome! and i will kick ass, because i believe in the work it's doing. and would be honored to be a part of it.
so, if i get the offer, and i can take it, i'm ready to pack. and just like everything else lately that makes so much sense it doesn't, being ready to bounce off these steps snapped in an instant.
~k
p.s. maybe that dream's not about freddy krueger after all. thinking back, i always did foresee a 2010 spring with cherry blossoms...
04 March 2010
vietnamese fortune
i think i've mentioned before that i think it's fucked up that my favorite vietnamese cafe ends the meal with a fortune cookie? regardless of the cultural fuckuppery, i still read the thing every time, and heed its word. tonight's read, "look for the dream that keeps coming back. it is your destiny."
interesting. especially since the recent fortune cookies have had bullshit fortunes. crap like, "you're pretty" or "stupid is as stupid does". but today's, and after a day that marked itself with a stamp of insanity of epic proportion...
the fun factory is spinning nuts right now. family drama is in some alternate universe that i'm trying to get my arms around. i'm head over tits for someone in another time zone, wondering how that's all going to shake out. and i kinda got an unofficial, interest-checking kind of job offerish today. and we're talking dream job territory here. one that'll work really well wherever i want to be (geographically), so long as i make it work.
if only it were that simple. sigh.
no matter what happens with any of the above, all of this craziness, the stress and wonder, is really an amazing testament to my faith in karma. i have shamelessly asked from the universe, and have given back in kind with love, positivism, optimism, and hope. and it lets me write my own ticket.
if only i knew which one to write. and if only freddy krueger wasn't the key player in the only dream that keeps coming back, maybe i'd know my destiny...
~k
interesting. especially since the recent fortune cookies have had bullshit fortunes. crap like, "you're pretty" or "stupid is as stupid does". but today's, and after a day that marked itself with a stamp of insanity of epic proportion...
the fun factory is spinning nuts right now. family drama is in some alternate universe that i'm trying to get my arms around. i'm head over tits for someone in another time zone, wondering how that's all going to shake out. and i kinda got an unofficial, interest-checking kind of job offerish today. and we're talking dream job territory here. one that'll work really well wherever i want to be (geographically), so long as i make it work.
if only it were that simple. sigh.
no matter what happens with any of the above, all of this craziness, the stress and wonder, is really an amazing testament to my faith in karma. i have shamelessly asked from the universe, and have given back in kind with love, positivism, optimism, and hope. and it lets me write my own ticket.
if only i knew which one to write. and if only freddy krueger wasn't the key player in the only dream that keeps coming back, maybe i'd know my destiny...
~k
02 March 2010
wales, wishes, and woe
i don't want to start this post with woe, but it's all i feel right now. after a magical granting of paris guy's wish sunday night, and a canceled flight gave us a bonus day together, i should still be feeling as overjoyed as i was when i found out i wasn't getting out of denver till today.
but i miss him so much, i can't focus on anything else. on how amazing our weekend was, how much fun we had on his turf, how awesome it was getting in his way whilst he was cooking, playing and cuddling with his dog, hanging out on his couch, listening to his music, watching his favorite movie, and being in his beautiful space (and i wish my words were capable of expressing how beautiful he is, in mind, body, and spirit (and do i really need to tell you how much i love his snarky side?)).
and it's not that i don't remember or i'm not trying to focus on everything wonderful this weekend, it's just that i feel this empty space, this lonely place in the center of me, some part that now belongs to him that just burns when he's not here or i'm not there. and i can't believe how much his absence hurts my heart.
my only solace is in knowing he feels the same agony. and that makes me feel even worse because what kind of an asshole wants someone she cares so deeply for to feel something so extraordinarily painful?
~k
but i miss him so much, i can't focus on anything else. on how amazing our weekend was, how much fun we had on his turf, how awesome it was getting in his way whilst he was cooking, playing and cuddling with his dog, hanging out on his couch, listening to his music, watching his favorite movie, and being in his beautiful space (and i wish my words were capable of expressing how beautiful he is, in mind, body, and spirit (and do i really need to tell you how much i love his snarky side?)).
and it's not that i don't remember or i'm not trying to focus on everything wonderful this weekend, it's just that i feel this empty space, this lonely place in the center of me, some part that now belongs to him that just burns when he's not here or i'm not there. and i can't believe how much his absence hurts my heart.
my only solace is in knowing he feels the same agony. and that makes me feel even worse because what kind of an asshole wants someone she cares so deeply for to feel something so extraordinarily painful?
~k
26 February 2010
winning hearts
i'm in denver, spending the weekend on paris guy's turf. i've been a nervous wreck about this trip, and not because i'm on paris guy's turf (i mean, we've had three dates on either neutral ground or mine, and i've been super curious), but because i knew how big of a deal it is that schulz likes me.
it was pretty obvious from the get-go that we're going to get on just fine, schulz and me. and whilst he's clearly confused that i'm still here and appear to be going nowhere soon (i wish y'all could've seen the befuddled look on his sweet little face while i was relaxing in his dad's bathtub (the awesomest tub EVER)), it doesn't seem to suck for him. or me.
today, we went on a nice long walk (i even picked up poop!), played some fetch, cuddled a plenty, and even took a nice long nap together on the couch (i never knew how awesome it could be to have a sweet little schnauzer lying across my tummy with his head resting on my chest (the word "awwwwwwww" doesn't begin to cut it)).
i'm in heaven. dog heaven.
~k
it was pretty obvious from the get-go that we're going to get on just fine, schulz and me. and whilst he's clearly confused that i'm still here and appear to be going nowhere soon (i wish y'all could've seen the befuddled look on his sweet little face while i was relaxing in his dad's bathtub (the awesomest tub EVER)), it doesn't seem to suck for him. or me.
today, we went on a nice long walk (i even picked up poop!), played some fetch, cuddled a plenty, and even took a nice long nap together on the couch (i never knew how awesome it could be to have a sweet little schnauzer lying across my tummy with his head resting on my chest (the word "awwwwwwww" doesn't begin to cut it)).
i'm in heaven. dog heaven.
~k
24 February 2010
a controlled camp
so, a coupla girlfriends and i are in the early stages (may be appropriate to use 'were' here) of planning a camping trip to the grand canyon for some weekend in april.
i was charged with the planning piece because, well, duh. and what i've learned in coordinating the details of this outing is that this is the one trip i should never be allowed to plan. if i'd just not really had any expectations (see dread), i would've gotten there, and felt my competitive drive set into gear, pushing me to survive and even have fun. and sure, i'd've bitched about everything, but i woulda done it in a cute, snarky, smart way that woulda made people laugh whilst promising themselves and each other they'd never again bring me along to camp.
but then, i found the the campsite page and i read about how cold it is in april, how there's no electricity, how "sleeping pads" are encouraged because the ground is sharp and hard. i mean, wtf is a sleeping pad? (oh, and that is definitely a rhetorical question, so please don't answer it). and did you notice that bit about "sharp and hard"?
and then last night. when undo button told me, in this sweet, concerned tone that, "people who don't enjoy camping are usually people who have to be in control," i knew i wasn't going camping.
and i'm equal parts relieved and bummed.
~k
i was charged with the planning piece because, well, duh. and what i've learned in coordinating the details of this outing is that this is the one trip i should never be allowed to plan. if i'd just not really had any expectations (see dread), i would've gotten there, and felt my competitive drive set into gear, pushing me to survive and even have fun. and sure, i'd've bitched about everything, but i woulda done it in a cute, snarky, smart way that woulda made people laugh whilst promising themselves and each other they'd never again bring me along to camp.
but then, i found the the campsite page and i read about how cold it is in april, how there's no electricity, how "sleeping pads" are encouraged because the ground is sharp and hard. i mean, wtf is a sleeping pad? (oh, and that is definitely a rhetorical question, so please don't answer it). and did you notice that bit about "sharp and hard"?
and then last night. when undo button told me, in this sweet, concerned tone that, "people who don't enjoy camping are usually people who have to be in control," i knew i wasn't going camping.
and i'm equal parts relieved and bummed.
~k
21 February 2010
the grasshopper generation
i'm fascinated by the generational divides that prevent more fluidity in adapting to a changing world. whether it's at the office, in politics, or just around town, the old guys with their old ideas and outdated ways of doing things are just in the way of progress.
and i'll bet they once said the same thing about their parents.
i mean, as it does, the world has changed. we are all connected by this little white window sitting in my lap right now, that allows me to communicate _by video chat_ with someone on the other side of the world, whenever i want. and we the world all depend on each other, on each other's monetary policy, political and social stability, and we all need each other to prop up our own security and prosperity.
in this new game called the real world, we are made up of diverse players working closely together, of men and women from every color, background, education, opinion, and corner of the world. yet, in this country (and most in the western world), we are primarily represented, at the highest levels of our government no less, by old white guys from a generation that consumed everything built by the "greatest generation" before them. they broke everything by over-consuming, over-using, and under-repairing. and now they want to cut taxes so's to encourage more of that vile over-consumption as the solution to the problems it caused.
maybe if you really think maintaining the [broken] status quo is the direction our country should be heading.
but the way i see it is that we can no longer survive in this ever-changing world by grasping on to foregone days and even more foregone ways. lest america prefer to find itself in a political, social, and economic situation that now qualifies a country as "developing". we're about to become out-developed by bigger and better thinkers, with brighter educations, newer and shinier tools and toys, and a vision toward the actual future that's happening. that is, if we don't annihilate ourselves with pollution, or just bludgeon ourselves to death with the iron club our middle eastern oil addiction has bequeathed our intrepid enemies first.
look, the debt situation in this country is truly frightening. we are selling our freedom to those who purchase our debt. and we will fix that later, just as we have in times before. but right now, we need to make sure we're going to be strong, healthy, and cohesive enough to succeed. we have to make sure we're still going to have a country to save, and a seat at the big player's table when it's time to focus our resources on bringing down the debt.
but i will be damned to next tuesday before i sit here and let the GOP blame democrats for this situation. after eight years of reckless and irresponsible fiscal policy, they might consider saying yes to something new, something that might actually work in a world they clearly no longer understand and are too frightened to accept. but one thing i can guarantee won't solve the problems is tax cuts.
so get over it. and let's rise up to the challenges we face, make america strong enough to survive within and prosper beyond these difficult times, and then set about tightening our belts and and ending our voracious and dangerous appetite for stuff.
~k
and i'll bet they once said the same thing about their parents.
i mean, as it does, the world has changed. we are all connected by this little white window sitting in my lap right now, that allows me to communicate _by video chat_ with someone on the other side of the world, whenever i want. and we the world all depend on each other, on each other's monetary policy, political and social stability, and we all need each other to prop up our own security and prosperity.
in this new game called the real world, we are made up of diverse players working closely together, of men and women from every color, background, education, opinion, and corner of the world. yet, in this country (and most in the western world), we are primarily represented, at the highest levels of our government no less, by old white guys from a generation that consumed everything built by the "greatest generation" before them. they broke everything by over-consuming, over-using, and under-repairing. and now they want to cut taxes so's to encourage more of that vile over-consumption as the solution to the problems it caused.
maybe if you really think maintaining the [broken] status quo is the direction our country should be heading.
but the way i see it is that we can no longer survive in this ever-changing world by grasping on to foregone days and even more foregone ways. lest america prefer to find itself in a political, social, and economic situation that now qualifies a country as "developing". we're about to become out-developed by bigger and better thinkers, with brighter educations, newer and shinier tools and toys, and a vision toward the actual future that's happening. that is, if we don't annihilate ourselves with pollution, or just bludgeon ourselves to death with the iron club our middle eastern oil addiction has bequeathed our intrepid enemies first.
look, the debt situation in this country is truly frightening. we are selling our freedom to those who purchase our debt. and we will fix that later, just as we have in times before. but right now, we need to make sure we're going to be strong, healthy, and cohesive enough to succeed. we have to make sure we're still going to have a country to save, and a seat at the big player's table when it's time to focus our resources on bringing down the debt.
but i will be damned to next tuesday before i sit here and let the GOP blame democrats for this situation. after eight years of reckless and irresponsible fiscal policy, they might consider saying yes to something new, something that might actually work in a world they clearly no longer understand and are too frightened to accept. but one thing i can guarantee won't solve the problems is tax cuts.
so get over it. and let's rise up to the challenges we face, make america strong enough to survive within and prosper beyond these difficult times, and then set about tightening our belts and and ending our voracious and dangerous appetite for stuff.
~k
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)