i gave another weekend to obama this weekend, but it's been different. this one has been the most inspired, energetic, and hopeful i've had in a while. and it's mostly because the newest campers are so full of something so powerful, my deepest fears for this election have been laid to rest - at least for the weekend...
i told my story of self today. with every bit of confidence, power, and self-empowered strength i could muster, i told my story - a story that began 16 years ago this month when i woke to find myself buried in wires, tubes, and excruciating pain. lying in a bed in a tiny hospital room without a memory of the night that had brought about my new beginning (and end of what had been). i told a room of 300+ strangers of the great gift i possessed, of self-empowerment, of knowing that i alone owned my destiny. that my belief in my ability to change my life was the reason i was walking, depsite a doctor's prognosis to the contrary. that i believed in me, that i believed in us, that i believed we were the change we've been waiting for, and that barack obama was our leader. that all it took for a greater america and a greater world was us, getting off our asses, and leading the way. they stood and cheered, as i stood in awe of a standing ovation for my story of self. i am pretty sure i was hugged and admired by more strangers today than ever before in my life. and i can't lie. it was fucking awesome!
the reason i was able to tell such an impassioned story is because that room was so full of positive energy and forward thinking, at a time i've become bitter and scared, and angry with myself for all i have sacrificed for this campaign, and this country that i'm not sure deserves my heart and soul. i'm bitter because i've given up so much of my personal life, i've given to the point where my own heart feels heavy and at times empty of feeling. i've given financially and emotionally, physically and mentally. i've walked on the edge of my sanity because i believe i am making a difference in helping lead america in a better direction. and i'm bitter because sometimes i don't feel appreciated, by myself, the campaign, my friends and family, and those i stand beside in this trying time.
i'm angry because the stupidity of the masses is buying into the lies and hypocrisy as twisted by the republicans. i've never seen more bullshit strewn about or more turns made in the paths of truth to suit the plays of the sorely losing. the denial, the fabrications, the self-sighteous indignation of mccain and palin, all at the expense of those who seek to speak and find the truth. yeah, i'm a liberal and i see things differently than the other team. but i'm not masking reality in shades of gray, just off enough to fool those who don't have the time or intellectual ability to dig deep enough to see those false claims for the truth-skirting lines of shit they are.
i'm talking about the "blessing" of bristol's teenage pregnancy, when a black teen-ager in that same situation is portrayed as a piece of trash. i'm talking about creationism vs. evolution. i'm talking about the bridge to nowhere and the pork barrel spending. i'm talking about tim kaine not having near enough experience (as mayor of a town of 200,000 and governor of a state as insignificant as virginia) to be considered as obama's veep while palin (mayor of a town of 6,300 and governor of the state right next to russia) is perfectly suited for the job (in the words of karl rove). i'm talking about hypocricy that makes me sick, and the dipshits who buy it that make me even sicker.
i'm talking about sadness for america, over pride for country. i'm talking about dummies in the middle being controlled by the monies on the coasts with oilrigs. i'm talking about a country i want so desperately to be good enough to deserve this heart of mine, to be worthy of the blood i'd bleed for her great flag to once again wave in pride and glory. i'm talking about my aching heart that breaks a bit more every day i turn on the news to see stupidity winning over intellect, greed defeating empathy, lies triumphant over truth, and selfish entitlement squashing brotherhood of man (or whatever p.c. term i'm supposed to use here to encomass all the world's children). i'm talking about disappointment in my fellow americans for thinking that it's a good idea to extend the horrors of the past eight years for another four.
i fear too early, for my mind misgives some consequence yet hanging in the stars, that's bitterly begun his fearful date with the republicans' revels, and will expire the term of a despised life closed in our breasts, by some vile forfeit of this great country's untimely death. but he that hath the steerage of our course, direct our sail... for my sail will continue blowing left, in all the hope and wonder i can muster and carry these next 52 days... oh mighty america, please do not fall asunder under the heavy weight of the lies from the right...
