beautiful lilies on my table...

...and it’s 11:11 everywhere i look. and that’s how i feel right now too. i’ve had a really busy week, haven’t had a moment to myself ‘cept those few moments before going to sleep each night, and my long overdue night to myself is recharging my spirit.

my life has been opened up so much the past few weeks. i’ve been reconnecting with the friends i left when i joined the campaign, as well as integrating all that is new. i’ve re-discovered that the people i call friends are the most extraordinary people i know. how fortunate i am to recruit and retain the world’s best of the best for myself…

and i met a boy, a complicated but beautiful boy who has inspired me to widen my horizons. i’m reading a new novel that’s rocking my world, listening to music that’s finding a match with my soul, and finding an even deeper part of me than i knew existed. and even if it goes nowhere, he has given me hope and faith that beautiful boys, good enough to meet and surpass my standards, are out there, waiting as patiently as me for the real thing. for the right person.

the thing i’ve found that gives me this crazy, good kind of detachment, is, i guess, confidence. knowing everything is okay and will be okay means it is okay. i finally get that the small things don’t matter. that the things that seem like they should be important, aren’t important. that life rewards the hardworking and faithful. that i am and will continue to be rewarded because i like who i am, i’m proud and happy with the woman i’ve become. like not just in words i find when i write, but in conversations i have, exchanges i meet, people i see, life i live, moments that take my breath away. everything seems brighter. the silver lining in the clouds gleams brighter, and the people in my life are enhancing every moment i live. even the ones i know for only a moment each day or a moment in a lifetime…

i no longer worry how i can make a difference, but feel a certain satisfaction in knowing i do make a difference, every single day, if only for a moment, if only because of a smile or a simple recognition of another. and that’s enough. my glass of pink wine is enough. my simple evening at home, alone with laundry drama, the “once” soundtrack, and “the feast of love” is enough. my friends and family are so much more than enough. everything that matters is already the biggest part of my life. anything else is simply good fortune.

i cried over a diamond

i thought it was time. i mean, i'm trying to get my shit together. i'm committing to a budget, i'm committed to saving, and living well within my means. i'm ready to let go of my old life and embrace the one that's more me. but that diamond...

i was meeting a friend in the gem business because i wanted to sell my engagement ring and turn it into something that pays interest or dividends. i took the ring out of its secret spot and put it on. first my ring finger, then my middle finger (which is the only place it fits now), i twisted it around a bit, looked at it on my hand held high by the light, then i took it off, put it into its little red box, and dropped it into my handbag. adios, engagement ring.

by the middle of the afternoon, i was crying with my office door closed. it wasn't a gushing tears kinda thing, but an "i need some time to myself" tear up. because of that ring and all it represents. dude, i couldn't part with the ring. i couldn't do it. i flaked on my friend and went home to put it back where it belongs.

he was totally understanding and even offered alternatives to ditching it. so we're scheduled again for next week. i have six days to keep the ring where it belongs. six days to let go of the last symbol of the life i left behind. six days...