"how's married life"

i've been married for a wee over a week, yet people keep asking me, "how's married life?"

it's a joke, right?

~k

whistling dixie

i have spent a week in hell. and it all began with that foreign service post...

to which paris guy responded, "I cannot stand in the way of someone who wants to change the world. Especially a baller like you whose changes and difference making I fully support and am (make no mistake here) the BIGGEST fan of, no matter any others' claims. Your path is not mine..." (and, omg, the way he uses words, i melt reading them because i can hear his voice speaking them).

and i died.

while writhing about the heartbreak, confusion, and sadness that feels like death (i mean, FUCK!, really? you're the most amazing boy i've ever met, and we have this thing, this connection, this something crazy.), i had to accept the truth about me, that i'm meant to roam the planet for a while. i want my globetrotting destiny, even if it costs this much. at least for now (i mean, the end game is writing full time at home (wherever that is), but for now, i want and need to collect a lifetime worth of unimaginable fodder). and if he doesn't want to get his international groove on alongside me, i have to let him go.

or so says rational me.

but knowing rational me is right doesn't make emotional me hurt any less. and he wants to be friends, which rational me would also love, but i'm ruled by emotional me, and that doesn't work for emotional me. i mean, i want to be friends. i miss him sooooooooo much. he's the best boy i've ever known, and he's set my boy bar so high, nary a one will come close to matching up (but i would never discourage the good ones from giving it a shot). but friends?

is it even possible to step back? to go from feeling romantic love for someone to not? from sharing thoughts and moments too intimate for anyone else to forgetting that's even on the table? or is it just letting him have his cake and eat it too (i.e. he gets all the best parts of me without having to deal with any of the hard stuff (i.e. awesome for him))? i don't know.

but seriously, while i'm sitting here whistling dixie, why don't you share your thoughts in the comments box below? please? i mean, y'all have been in love, you've lost loves, you've wanted to and i'll bet some of you have even tried to hang on. surely you have an opinion. can we be friends? is it possible? should i even try?

help me?

~k