wales, wishes, and woe

i don't want to start this post with woe, but it's all i feel right now. after a magical granting of paris guy's wish sunday night, and a canceled flight gave us a bonus day together, i should still be feeling as overjoyed as i was when i found out i wasn't getting out of denver till today.

but i miss him so much, i can't focus on anything else. on how amazing our weekend was, how much fun we had on his turf, how awesome it was getting in his way whilst he was cooking, playing and cuddling with his dog, hanging out on his couch, listening to his music, watching his favorite movie, and being in his beautiful space (and i wish my words were capable of expressing how beautiful he is, in mind, body, and spirit (and do i really need to tell you how much i love his snarky side?)).

and it's not that i don't remember or i'm not trying to focus on everything wonderful this weekend, it's just that i feel this empty space, this lonely place in the center of me, some part that now belongs to him that just burns when he's not here or i'm not there. and i can't believe how much his absence hurts my heart.

my only solace is in knowing he feels the same agony. and that makes me feel even worse because what kind of an asshole wants someone she cares so deeply for to feel something so extraordinarily painful?

~k

parisian stars

last night (i think it was last night, but because last night was also this morning, and yesterday morning, and tomorrow all wrapped up into one inconceivably long day, i can't be totally certain), i followed the advice of my dearest pitafo and decided to toast my au revoir to paris at the hemingway bar.

i thought i would have a drink or two, take the metro home, grab some wine, bread, and cheese, and have a mellow (see downer) last night in paris. but fortune had a much better plan for me.

in the hemingway bar, i met a fellow solo-traveling american, spending his last night in paris bar hopping. he started at the hemingway bar, and we ended the night when he hailed me a cab in front of an all-night cafe at 6:00 this morning.

we walked all over a dark, wet, and christmas lit paris. we hit several renowned watering holes, and one little 'invite only' place our favorite bartender (carlos) of the night sent us off to find. and when the bars closed, we found a little cafe still pouring wine into the wee hours of the morning. i mean, we weren't finished drinking, talking, and savoring our last night in paris.

this stranger, this drinks-loving kindred spirit and i spent eleven hours wandering paris at her most vulnerable. from place vendome to the luxor obelisk, down the champs elysee, and through the back streets of the latin quarter, we talked about everything, drank a bit of everything, took pictures every step of the journey, and found ourselves sharing the most perfect parisian finale.

and this sensitive artist from the mountains of colorado - who doesn't even know how much of an impression he left with me, gave me the best night of my trip, and the best night of my life. it was so unexpected, so romantic, so perfectly parisian that it must've been written in the stars.

and i got my (most wonderful) french kiss...

~k