busboys and poets

i got completely drenched today by an unexpected downpour, choosing to leave the warmth and comfort of a neighborhood favorite to brave the torrential rains so my puppy wouldn't have to be alone in thunder (team so cal is having a wee trouble adjusting to this whole weather bit).

i was finally dining at this fabby place i've had my eye on. such a cool place, with its loungey vibe, shelves full of books, computers in action at every turn, folks dining in a total conversational setting, and the best part is that the bar is super fun too!. i pass this place every day on at least one of my walks, finally made it in, and even got a seat in the window. a little slice of new life heaven.

until the winds brought in a monsoon. i mighta had another glass of wine or even indulged in some sugary decadence whilst waiting out the storm, but thunder cracked the sky in half and off i went to save my scarlet. and though i had about half of sonya's umbrella, and a decent chunk of the walk was covered-ish, i kinda didn't hate getting rained on.

in fact, it was kind of amazing. just giving in. to rain.

~k

rain laden luck

it's raining today. it's one of the five days each year i experience something other than 80-degree sunshine in beautiful southern california.

any of you who frequently indulge in the bullshittery that is my blog know that i've wavered a great deal this past year. first, there was no chance in hell i'd leave these beautiful and tranquil hills of easty los angeles. then, there was no way in hell i was staying.

would i be relocating to washington, dc, to go work for the potus, or would i go all in and run off to build a nation in some failed or failing state in dangerous and obscure parts of the world? or would something altogether crazy and unexpected grab me by the horns and pull me into a direction i never saw coming? if you're looking for an answer, i still haven't one to offer.

but today, whilst the rain falls outside, all of the above questions pour inside.

there is no doubt in my mind that the most unexpected thing of all has come along to throw a wrench in the unfolding plans i've been making. love. i've fallen hard and fast, and think that if given the choice, i'd probably rather have a life with love than with career. but this relationship is too new to start closing the career doors. and it's probably too new to even start a conversation about how mired i've been this past year in my next career move, and how that impacts my now and immediate future.

except that the career doors are opening too quickly. and i should've known they would. i mean, i've had my eye on an april with cherry blossoms for many moons now, so i shouldn't be so surprised that i'd start the new year with options flooding in. and honestly, i probably wouldn't be feeling this surprised, upset, or as pressured as i do, had this new wrench not come along.

afghanistan called today. turns out, i'm knee-deep in the running for a myriad of positions to help the new afghan government design and implement its national justice system (can we say 'build a nation?'). and the white house also called today with a possibility that might just be right up my alley.

and all i want to do is cry. because whilst these aren't yet choices, none of them, they each and separately represent a choice i'm soon going to have to make. and part of me fears i'm going to be making a [ginormous] decision without all of the assurances and information i might wish to have so's to better the odds i'll make the right one...

~k