being a friend

i have a friend with a very broken heart. and it's her first in a really long time, so it hurts more than she remembered. she needed me tonight, and though i'm so sorry she's the one going through this, i'm grateful to be able to be there for my friends the way they were for me when i was in that emotional wasteland.

tonight i helped with a some laughter, a little bit of love, and a lot of encouraging this scene of her ex-boyfriend's voodoo doll's cock being smashed into a cactus (a cactus gifted by said ex-b/f, no less):

.

and then, as she cried on my shoulder about how much missing him hurts, i suggested that she take 2010 to find the right cliff. and jump.

in response she cried out, "thank you. finally somebody understands how i feel."

turns out, we weren't talking about the same cliff. (kbd-l, maybe you were right about that metaphor.) oops.

but with all the laughing to go along with the tears, i'd say all's well that ended as well as it could. and life goes on. and gets better.

~k

p.s. she's invited to the 'burn the decade' weenie roast.

the year to jump

i don't know that i know the exact moment it happened, or how even, but _it_ happened. that thing that's been holding me back from really moving on, whatever it was, whoever it was, finally let go of me.

i don't even know that it was a moment, exactly, but i think it must've happened whilst i was traveling alone in foreign lands, conquering the great unknowns while trying equally as hard as not trying. and while i know this is going to sound a little bit vague (because as open with the world as i am about things, there are those little pieces that belong only to me and my very nearest and dearest), i no longer feel connected to pieces of the past, to hopes i once held with a grip so tightly i couldn't see past wanting what wasn't to be.

it's gone. they're gone. the grips. the hopes. the wanting. the trying to force what cannot be. after spending all of 2009 trying unsuccessfully not to hope, want, force, i just woke up and didn't anymore. and i feel so zen. so free. so open to the possibilities, any possibility, anywhere.

so open that i'm no longer married to moving to washington, dc. so open that my next step may have nothing to do with my career. so open that you should all be warned that i might do something utterly crazy, unexpected, and so quickly you'll think it came completely out of the blue.

and it's because that cliff from which i've been readying myself to plunge is in sight. and when i get there, i'm not even going to close my eyes before i step to the ledge and just jump...

~k