30 April 2010

my wild scarlet dream

my girl is here. and i'm a wreck.

first of all, she is the cutest thing i have ever seen. she is sweet, cuddly, curious, and damn stubborn as hell. but she's so confused, and i feel so guilty for taking her away from her rescue mommy and displacing her into this crazy city life she has no idea what to do about (which really does break my heart, even if i am super certain that we'll be bff in no time).

but i also love her. already. when i look into her precious little eyes, staring up at me trying to make sense of the madness she's endured today, i just want to make it all better for her. right now, she's lying on the couch next to me, her head's on my foot, and her arms are in my lap, and it makes me feel like we're going to be okay.

but it doesn't mean i'm not scared absolutely shitless. i have to somehow train this girl to get used to outings on a leash, peeing in the yard, and pooping somewhere other than inside my flat (which seems to be her preference). i have to make sure she knows this is *home* and that she's stuck with me no matter what (and hope that's a good thing for her).

and even though she's only been here for about six hours, i am utterly exhausted! i'm emotionally drained from the pressure of wanting to be a good mom without having a damn clue what that means or how to do it, and feeling like i have to make sure she doesn't feel abandoned and that she's happy on the music box steps.

and for those of you who know what an anal freak of nature i am, you'll be surprised to learn that her gas and the fact that she smells like ass doesn't even bother me. not that much...


27 April 2010

multitasking tuesday

while my original plan was to work from home today because a funeral was going to wreak havoc on my commute, when i was still in bed for "morning becomes eclectic", the day seemed like it might be turning into a personal day. when i got the email that my adoption was going through and that scarlet would be arriving on friday (see three days from now), i knew a personal day was in order, as a million things were on the pre-arrival to-do list.

so i went to burbank. for gates, crates, food, treats, toys, and a leash. then i came home, put together said gates, before figuring out that they fit neither of my kitchen doors (one of the doors was too small, the other two big).

sidebar: i am no architect. and whilst i have a deep appreciation for puzzle-esque things, i was in no mood today (we'll blame it on the full moon this time), and it took every bit of self restraint i could muster to not destroy the gates. i'm practicing patience (and it is really f'ing hard!) for the arrival of my puppy. and yes, i said puppy.

i didn't really want a puppy. i wanted a dog a little bit older, a little more mellow, a little more house-trained. but alas, she chose me. she was in my flat, on the house visit last week, for less than 15 minutes when she shit on my just-washed bed. and i knew we were made for each other.

anyway... whilst battling gates today, i caught up with kbd-little. whilst driving back to burbank to switch out the gates for ones that will hopefully fit my door frames, i caught up with another dear friend (who is in the process of building utopia).

i then ran 4.5 miles.

after which, i met the judge and dr. dave for sushi (and sake).

and rushed home to find A REPEAT OF LOST!? (with only four episodes left, i consider this an abomination).

needless to say, i've had entirely too much going on today, so i think i'm going to turn off FAKE LOST and go to bed (at least i've got a kick ass book waiting for me), and dream about the mini-diplomat who will be joining my life on friday...


26 April 2010

the devastating average

i don't know when my ego will recover from the crushing blow it was dealt today, but it's really got the rest of me in a serious bout of self doubt...

turns out i'm FS-average.

this google doc went around to the foreign service yahoo group, asking us to input our FSOT scores so's to compare. and whilst i already knew i'd passed by the hair of my chinny chin chin, today i was knocked completely off my pedastal when i discovered that my scores were "average".


to a rational person, average might translate to good. i mean, half the people who took the test received lower scores than me, and only half did better (in a test with a 30% passage rate, no less). and even if it's the average of the best and brightest, it's the "average" that burns my poor little ego, a poor little ego that's spent most of its life being much closer to "exceptional".

the good news for me, i hope, is that once i get a handle on my ego (it is definitely in charge today), the humility will do us both a fair bit of good going into the OA. if we even get that far...

~k (and her ego)