10 March 2008

and it was only yesterday i knew without uncertainty

i left on my campaign adventure with a thousand questions i hoped to answer, questions about me, my life, who i am, where i am, where i should be, where i want to be. i had hoped to answer many of these questions while on my adventure, though i’m finding that the answers are falling into my lap as i reflect upon my life before, during, and since.

i know i was only gone a few days. my campaign adventure (so far) was only five days. but in those five days, i lived completely outside of my element. i was in a strange city, staying in the home of a stranger, with strange weather (my hair was a frizzy, unmanageable mess), people i didn’t know at every turn. i was far away from home, working side-by-side with complete strangers (amazing people as they were - mostly), doing tasks i’d never done and filling a role i’d never filled. my “bosses” were 23 and 24 (check that!). my life for those few days revolved around anything and everything but me (save a few minor incidents) and it seems to be that i find my best perspective of me when looking in from the outside.

one of my biggest questions was and is, “where do i belong”? my dad often asks if i’m moving back to the midwest to be closer to my family. i have always answered him with a certainty i never really felt, “absolutely not.” in truth, i’ve thought about it. in truth, i’ve thought about it a lot since my time in galveston. there is something incredibly appealing about moving to a small rural area where things move at a slower pace. where opportunity does not exist outside of our own ability to make things happen (and i think we’d all agree that i excel in the “making shit happen” department). i’ve thought about moving back, opening a small law office (ugh, even taking another bar exam) to deal with the issues of the local consumers, possibly getting involved in local politics, maybe teaching a couple of classes at a community college. i’ve thought about it. i have thought about trying to see myself in that slower, more constant, predictable, simpler life. i’ve wondered if i can be as happy there as i am here. and i’ll likely never stop wondering…


last night, i got home at about 8:00. it was still beautiful, a chill had only begun to creep into the air, and the scent of jasmine overwhelmed my senses and me. as i walked down my bumpy road to the music box steps, the "where" question answered itself. this is my home. this is where i belong. this is where i want to be.

sure, i might follow this campaign trail to and through the rural midwest, i might have a few moments of nostalgic wonder, i might even try to grasp onto the happiness within simplicity. but that’s not who i am. i revel in the rat race. i love los angeles. for all its wonder and all its faults, los angeles is my home. my friends are here, my heart is here, my life is here. this is my home. and i will be coming back here to resume my life.

in the meantime, however, team obama, i am yours to do with as you please ;)

this blog cross posted at daily kos

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