my magical life

just a few minutes ago, my bff told me, "you're oozing self-confidence and magic right now". he's hardly unbiased and it's kind of his job to think i'm the greatest person in the world (though we'd both agree that he holds the moral superiority card for reasons i'm happy to enumerate, but can easily summarize in one example. when we're at a party and i say, "bff, i've had too much to drink and have to go home right now," he says, "okay, let's go" and we leave. when we're at a party and he says, "bff, i've had too much to drink and need to go home," i say, "call a cab".)

the thing is, i have my moments of not feeling the magic. it's kinda scary sometimes to wake up knowing i don't have a job, that the amount of money i have in the bank isn't all that much, that my life isn't exactly cheap, and that i'm running around the country on a campaign trail that will not result in a paycheck. it happened earlier this week and i freaked and had to burrow away in my little hole of refuge. and i know it's okay to freak out sometimes, cuz it makes me appreciate the magic all the better when i can step back and see just how magical my life is right now.

1) job-o-non
though it's a little bit scary when i think about running out of money without a job, lemme just tell y'all how amazing it is to sleep till noon every day, watch the heck out of political shows (and college basketball right now), blog to my little heart's content, and not even think twice about accepting offers to go "out" on weeknights. also, i love staying up late every night. i feel like an 8th grader on summer vacation.

2) team obama
when i first decided i wanted to join the campaign, i had my sight set on indiana. it's not just that indiana is going to play a role in this primary election, but my family is there. i want to hang with the family and do something meaningful for my country all at the same time. and it would be a total misrepresentation if i said, "this is falling into my lap," because i have been on the horn, on email, all over obama.com, making connections, reconnecting with my galveston team, pulling things together, kinda working my buns off to make this happen. but now that it's all coming together, it just feels magical. with nick's unwavering support and dedication to this effort, we have essentially rebuilt our galveston team for evansville for obama. and we are going to be amazing. and we're going to bring our magic to evansville (a city whose local team already exemplifies the magic i'm talking about).

3) getting a real job
i started applying for a day job immediately after i left biglaw. even though i wasn't sure i wanted to end up back in the corporate world, i needed to open doors and make sure i was leaving them open as my adventure unfolded. i may make some seemingly irresponsible choices, but i'm not dumb. and just because i wear rose-colored glasses every day of my life does not mean i am blind to the realities of life as a grown-up. i've been interviewing, have had some half-hearted meetings, and have had some truly wonderful doors open up.

4) finding the real me
having this time off has given me an opportunity to really get in touch with who i am and what i want out of life. a few months ago, i was so angry with the way my career was (not) developing, i was in doubt mode. i wasn't sure i wanted to stay in my field, wasn't sure i wanted to stay in my city, wasn't sure about much of anything. it's kinda crazy how much good a little bit of time off can be for the soul... cuz now i know.

i know i want to stay in my field, but that i want to build a program instead of maintaining something a predecessor has built. i want to stay in los angeles because i love it here. it's beautiful and neat-o and i love the smell of jasmine in random places. i love my friends, that my bff is right down the music box steps, and that my favorite boy is just a few winding roads away. i love being me, the best me i've ever been, and i love that i'm so in love with the adventure life has become.

so yeah, my bff is right. even though i sometimes have my doubts and can't always see it is so, i am oozing with self-confidence because i've never been happier with the me i've become. and i'm oozing with magic because all of my dreams are coming true, because i have the self confidence to believe that YES I CAN make them come true...