04 May 2010

melpomene musing

sometimes i want to blog about things i don't want paris guy to know, but i hold back or i don't publish because i know he's here. and whilst i think if i asked him not to be here, he would respect my wishes and stay away. but i don't want him to leave. and even though my ego doesn't want him to know how much i miss him, the rest of me kind of doesn't give a shit anymore.

i mean, this is my place to let it all out. the place for my rants and raves, my hopes and dreams, my dog, my heartbreak. my special place for narcissistic expression. so...

in addition to being my pal, i thought scarlet would distract me from that woe, but she makes me miss him more. paris guy just celebrated his first anniversary with his first dog, so he totally gets what i'm going through, and he gets me. and knowing him as i do, i'd bet he'd probly be having as much fun getting to know scarlet as i am. no matter the distance.

i think about that a lot. along with how much better the world seemed when he was lighting up my every day. and about trying to be friends.

but i'm me, and i know i can't.



  1. I wish that someone who earned the name Paris Guy would be a little less practical about love and look more toward possibilities rather than obstacles. But, he doesn't and that is where the two of you are not alike. The friends thing, as much as people would like to call their exes "friends", they never really are just that. I think it's part of that whole love-never-dies thing. People either remain physically attached due to the chemistry that brought them together in the first place or there is an underlying emotional attachment, which you would definitely have. It can't be a duck if it doesn't walk or quack like one, and you and Paris Guy could/would never be just friends. It would basically be a farce, and we're old enough to recognize that now.

  2. Yup, friends just can't work. At least not yet. You need lots more time/space. You are welcome to discuss Scarlet with me at any time. You know I love pooch talk.