02 March 2010

wales, wishes, and woe

i don't want to start this post with woe, but it's all i feel right now. after a magical granting of paris guy's wish sunday night, and a canceled flight gave us a bonus day together, i should still be feeling as overjoyed as i was when i found out i wasn't getting out of denver till today.

but i miss him so much, i can't focus on anything else. on how amazing our weekend was, how much fun we had on his turf, how awesome it was getting in his way whilst he was cooking, playing and cuddling with his dog, hanging out on his couch, listening to his music, watching his favorite movie, and being in his beautiful space (and i wish my words were capable of expressing how beautiful he is, in mind, body, and spirit (and do i really need to tell you how much i love his snarky side?)).

and it's not that i don't remember or i'm not trying to focus on everything wonderful this weekend, it's just that i feel this empty space, this lonely place in the center of me, some part that now belongs to him that just burns when he's not here or i'm not there. and i can't believe how much his absence hurts my heart.

my only solace is in knowing he feels the same agony. and that makes me feel even worse because what kind of an asshole wants someone she cares so deeply for to feel something so extraordinarily painful?


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