saying goodbye

i traded in my mini cooper tonight. after seven years together, it was the hardest good-bye i've had in a very long time.

i cried all the way home, and i've cried several times since getting home. i even think tears were freezing on my cheeks while i tried to walk away some of the grief with scarlet on the leash. it was hardly just a car...

we made cross country trips together - three times, my mini and me. we campaigned for obama together all over the country. not just in indiana or south dakota, but in every state we drove through. windows painted until the middle of 2010 when i moved to DC, obama stickers adorning the bumper and the dash. she was the perfect campaign car, in obama blue with black racing stripes.

my brother and i laughed while replacing her toggle labels with silly stickers so that "unlock" would read "ejector seat" and "window" read "periscope". we made a dozen trips to vegas, crossed the golden gate bridge, ventured down eldorado's gravel roads, and parked a few blocks from the white house. we stopped to photograph bears in yellowstone park, checked out the back side of mt. rushmore, dodged hail and tornadoes in kansas, crammed five giggling grown-ups in for a trek to knotts scary farm, climbed california's highest hills in silver lake and echo park. we moved from the casas del sycamore to the ancelle, and bounced for three years down descanso to the music box steps. then on to DC we marched in step. and in missouri tonight we parted ways.

tis a very sad night for me. it feels like the last piece of the life i used to have is now parked on a lonely volkswagen parking lot. and here i sit wailing at my computer over my first great sacrifice as a mom. when my new car gets here on tuesday, i've no doubt i will be the coolest thing ever seen driving a station wagon, but until then i think i will revel in the glory days we shared, and mourn the loss of my favoritest car ever and the era i left behind tonight.

she will never be just a car...

~k

the deficit delusion

the "out-of-control", "unsustainable", "certain doom" american deficit is but a joke. i'm so sick and tired of hearing about it, when nary a soul - not a single politician, and frankly, not a single american - wants to actually do a thing about it.

no one wants taxes to go up. no one wants social security cut. no one wants medicare cut. no one wants defense spending cut. so from where and how, pray tell, are we meant to raise the funds to cut the deficit?

wishful thinking in magic land, i guess. much like the rest of politics in this country...

~k

dreaming baby

i am 20 weeks and 2 days into my pregnancy. i am starting to feel her move around, my belly is getting really big, and as we inch nearer and nearer her arrival, it all gets more and more real.

as do the dreams... these last few nights, i've had long, crazy, wonderful dreams about my baby girl. it's so nice to see what she looks like, feel her in my arms, smell her luscious baby scent, and remember it all long after i've awakened to those super annoying night-time leg and hip cramps. my dreams are my favorite part so far, with the big belly in a close second.

only 19 weeks and 5 days to go...

~k

what and when happened?

i've been reading some random old blog posts, and discovered something most unusual. it seems that my tales, tone, terms, and syntax were much more flavorful when i lived in los angeles.

is it because i now suffer irreparably by this horrendously inhumane seasons thing? is it because i'm old and my life has become boring? or is it because i live in a time and place where adventures don't just fall into my lap as they once did? and is any of this fixable or is it my fate to be boring and old?

~k

truer words were never spoken

Gamble everything for love,
if you’re a true human being.
-- Rumi

birthdays in the age of social media

today is my favorite day of the year, my birthday! it's my very own holiday that i don't have to share. it's a day in which the spotlight shines directly on me, and for each and every birthday i am consistently showered with tons of attention and affection. and i love it!

facebook makes today even better because i hear from soooooo many people from so many chapters of my life. i know it's easy. we all get a notification of who has a birthday today, so it's not like anyone actually had to remember that today is my birthday. but it doesn't take away from the fact that that little notification on the right side of the screen caused each and every one of the hundred plus people who have posted on my page today to take some pause, think about me and our lives' interaction(s), and devote some energy to helping make my day that much more special. and it truly has.

i feel so special and so loved, and that my life is so full of friendship and admiration, i am truly honored. today really is my very own holiday.

~k

sex and the country

the headlines this week are all abuzz with sex scandals. from the g.o.p. nomination stage to a revered college locker room, it's all about sex.

of course i'm starting with herman cain. here's a guy who deserves our collective kudos for his personification of the american dream. he grew up "poor but happy," and went on to make himself a millionaire. and now he's in a 3-way tie in earning the republican nomination to run for president obama's job next year. the guy is a rock star.

he is also a class-a douchebag.

while its c.e.o., the national restaurant association paid severance packages to two separate women who filed sexual harassment complaints against herman cain. and while i'm not privvy to the details, i do know that one of the women received a full year's salary as her payout. and folks, companies don't pay out that kinda hush money for no good reason. now that other accusers are coming out of the woodwork, are we really going to claim it's all in an attempt to dishonor the man?

thing about herman cain is that i actually believe him when he says he didn't do anything wrong. he doesn't believe there's anything wrong with hitting on a woman or making sexual advances, even when she clearly isn't interested. he doesn't realize what constitutes sexual harassment, and probably doesn't even believe there is such a thing. and in my book, that is a serious problem. especially for someone claiming to have the judgment to lead the free world.

and then we have assistant coach sandusky - whose locker room rapes of young boys has shocked and devastated most of the nation. when i say most, i mean everyone who isn't so blinded by their allegiance to penn state, that they actually realize this man, abetted by joe paterno and the president of the university, ripped the souls from innocent children who trusted in him and looked up to him as a hero. sandusky, acting as a patron saint to the disaffected youth, started a program for disadvantaged children: a program he used to hide his predatory pedophilia.

raping, molesting, and renting out young boys to other pedophiles (or so says the latest reports), coach sandusky was protected by penn state university. he was protected by coach paterno. he was protected by president graham spanier. he was protected the same way catholic priests were protected by their archdiocese and pope.

and today there are people protesting the firing of coach paterno. why? because he's a storied coach in a revered program? because we should all look the other way the same way he did while the lives of young children were being destroyed? i don't fucking think so. every single person who is out there in support of coach paterno, you are no better than him, and you are no better than the catholic heirarchy that protected molesting priests all those years. you are putting your fallen storied program ahead of all those children that paterno hurt by his silence. you should be as ashamed of yourselves as i am of all of you. pigs.

this is the problem with sex in america today. if you're rich enough, powerful enough, or storied enough, there are no rules. you get to do whatever you want to whoever you want and you get away with it. until someone finally comes along who's willing to step up and show the world what a fucking creep you are.

and yeah, you're a fucking creep herman cain. you might not be as much of a creep as the penn state penitentiary-bound, but you're still a fucking creep.

coach paterno, you're a fucking creep. coach sandusky, you're the biggest fucking creep of them all. and all of you who support these lawless ruffians, you're fucking creeps too.

~k