24 September 2008

Dear Iraqi Friends (dubya's version)

so, tom friedman wrote a very enlightened letter on behalf of our dipshit in chief. it was so well written, and so considerate of the american people and the world at large, no rational person could ever really think it might actually've been written by dubya (see the original here, http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/24/opinion/24friedman.html?ref=opinion), so i'm dumbing it down to make the concept a bit more believable (and i'll even use standard capitalization where appropriate)...

From: George W. Bush

To: President Jalal Talabani of Iraq, Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki, Speaker Mahmoud al-Mashadani

Dear Sirs, I'm writing you because America just ran out of money and you have a bunch in our banks. And about that money in our banks, you might want to make a big withdrawel because our banks aren't doing so good. That's why I'm writing.

Lots of folks here in America are upset right now because they are losing their jobs and their money in the banks and the stock markets isn't doing so hot. They are really mad and they won't let my government have the funds to bail out the colapsing mortgage lenders. they don't get that they shouldn't have taken out loans they could not afford, but that doesn't matter anyway because they think I'm sending all of America's money to help you guys figure out who is in charge of what in Iraq.

They say they understand how important it is to have a democratic government in the middle east, but they can't wait anymore for you guys to stop fighting on our dime. and they really need for you to pony up, make some decisions, and get your government working and oust them terrorists. so, i'm real sorry because my friends in the oil business have been real pleased with our relationships with you all, but the american people aren't going to let me write a big check to my wall street friends, if i don't make you start spending your own money and stop spending our money.

so i will keep hoping the best for you, but can't give you no more money from America. Good luck and God speed.


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