my return from paradise

just this morning i returned from my week in kauai, sun-kissed and feeling settled in mind, heart, and soul for the first time in a very long time. i've got my eye back on the ball, and i know what i want from my life, and which direction to set my sail.

when i left on this trip, i hoped to accomplish two goals. the first was to get a better feel for hallway boy and our relationship (i mean, we'd never spent more than 24 hours together before embarking on a 6-day, 6-night baller vaca together), and secondly, to figure out what the hell i want to do now that the campaign no longer holds my life without ransom. and i feel pretty confident that i found the answers i sought.

let's start with hallway boy. i s'pose the best place is his sense of humor, our sense of humor. i have never in my life laughed as much as i do when i'm with him. he is _the_ funniest boy i have ever met, and even though he would probably say that it's because i'm a top-notch peanut gallery, i will tell you it's because his sharp tongue and even sharper wit keeps me in stitches. the guy doesn't miss a beat. and it helps that he laughs at all of my jokes too, even the ones most people don't get or just miss. it's kinda awesome.

jubilance or none, hallway boy and i spent six days and six nights together, ate every meal together, and had a great time all day, every day. we were equal parts adventurous and lazy. we checked out the entire island of kauai (by jeep, helicopter, and kayak), he helped me in and out of the ocean (i'm a ginormous chicken when it comes to sharks, waves, rocks, and mother nature possessing control over and above my comfort level), and he saved both our lives (maybe i'm being slightly over-dramatic here) when the cross currents between the wailua river and the pacific ocean tried to own our kayak. we were on the same page about everything. we only had one argument the whole time, and get this, it was over the patriot act. we've been dating long enough now that we're no longer on our best behavior, and we only spat once and it was over something political (we vehemently disagree on the security vs. liberty debate). it was wonderful, he was wonderful, the island was stunning, and the vacation was the best i've had in a very long time (i hesitate to say 'ever' only because i've had some great vacations, but the hesitation is very slight, because nothing went wrong in a situation that coulda been disastrous).

and for the me part.

i hate to write it, admit it to the universe, and at the same time be okay with it. but i know what i want and i need to be okay with being me. so here goes. i want to be a writer and a wife and a mom. i love my life here, i love my day job, i love the stories that brew in my head, and i love my friends, my apartment, my town (even if it reeks of smoke right now). i don't want to move to the other side of the country to start a new life in a new career, especially one as pernicious as politics. i don't want to be someone's bitch, even if it is in the obama administration. the fact is, i can do more here. i can volunteer here, be an active member of my community, and change the world one life at a time, one life i can empower at a time. there, i said it. it's out there. i admitted it. now i can stop fretting about not doing enough to change the world, and just live my life and be happy.

and so i once again find paulo coelho ringing in my head, "it's true; life really is generous to those who pursue their personal legend..." and now i am setting my sail back in the direction of my personal legend.

look out world.

~k