12 April 2010

around and around and around

since my last post, nearly a week ago, i've left three in the unpublished queue, and've dropped a few thousand other words here, there, and everywhere. though it probably seems there isn't much i don't share here, sometimes i can't help but hold back.

and i've got a bit swirling about my brain these days. too much, if truth be told. i'm trying too hard to make sense of things that can't. i'm spending entirely too much energy trying to motivate myself, so that once i'm actually near motivated, i'm too tired to do anything.

like, i cannot remember the last time i was this unproductive (though i did file my taxes yesterday, and was pleasantly surprised with an unexpected refund i will use to bankroll my adventure to foreign lands later this year). my tivo is stacked, i'm two weeks behind in 'the economist', both of yesterday's papers are sitting in a pile, and i couldn't even get my ass off the music box steps to go to the office today, which might also imply that i'm still in my pajamas. and don't even ask me about dishes and laundry...

i guess it's not all bad. i mean, i did go to malibu yesterday, and even wrote a lengthy unpublished post about my love-hate relationship with california. i'm going to the office tomorrow, and a lakers game tomorrow night (unless i am successful in talking myself out of it). shit, i'm even going to vegas this weekend for a whirlwind 24-hour party (though in all honesty, i'm totally not up for).

i'm trying. really. fucking. hard.

and clearly failing miserably.


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