30 April 2010

my wild scarlet dream

my girl is here. and i'm a wreck.

first of all, she is the cutest thing i have ever seen. she is sweet, cuddly, curious, and damn stubborn as hell. but she's so confused, and i feel so guilty for taking her away from her rescue mommy and displacing her into this crazy city life she has no idea what to do about (which really does break my heart, even if i am super certain that we'll be bff in no time).

but i also love her. already. when i look into her precious little eyes, staring up at me trying to make sense of the madness she's endured today, i just want to make it all better for her. right now, she's lying on the couch next to me, her head's on my foot, and her arms are in my lap, and it makes me feel like we're going to be okay.

but it doesn't mean i'm not scared absolutely shitless. i have to somehow train this girl to get used to outings on a leash, peeing in the yard, and pooping somewhere other than inside my flat (which seems to be her preference). i have to make sure she knows this is *home* and that she's stuck with me no matter what (and hope that's a good thing for her).

and even though she's only been here for about six hours, i am utterly exhausted! i'm emotionally drained from the pressure of wanting to be a good mom without having a damn clue what that means or how to do it, and feeling like i have to make sure she doesn't feel abandoned and that she's happy on the music box steps.

and for those of you who know what an anal freak of nature i am, you'll be surprised to learn that her gas and the fact that she smells like ass doesn't even bother me. not that much...


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