my friends (this is first, everything else is in no particular order)
my apartment
the rare but pure beauty of a clear day
spending the few rainy days cuddled up with a good movie
the scent of jasmine in unexpected places
that it can be both hot and cold in the same day
philippe's
the hollywood sign
silver lake
basketball in pauley pavilion
farmer's markets
taco stands
the grove
slippery shrimp
the vista
angelenos, no matter from whence they came
venice beach
diversity in all things
4100
the music box steps
blossom
the view from my neighbor's deck
ucla
the greek theatre
chateauneuf du pape by the glass
the wiltern
art & soul tattoo (scott, in particular)
the ancelle on gramercy
cobras and matadors
pink's
shisha bars
california chicken cafe
the sportsman's lodge
hollywood blvd.
grauman's chinese theatre
3rd street promenade
the crisp ocean breeze on an otherwise hot day
the waves crashing onto the shore
melrose
grace
june gloom
lacma
the pantages
the getty villa
air hockey at yankee doodle on the promenade
killer shrimp
sushi
that tommy's burger is always open
el cholo
the oh-so-random after hours scene
the pch
ucla extension
that it's 80 degrees on christmas
if it exists, it can be found here (and probably at a rummage sale)
bacon-wrapped hotdogs from a grill on the sidewalk
the joy in finding biscuits & gravy and grits on a breakfast menu
the edison bar
25 degrees
ethel on 3rd
parties at the museum of natural history
knott's scary farm
sample sales in random downtown warehouses
larchmont village
the smell and feel of the bodhi tree bookstore after lunch at good urth
versailles
the awkward bustle of downtown
universal studios
cayenne cafe
gorilla thursdays
ordering spaghetti off the menu at valentino
the way the city smells on a foggy morning
the sunsets in october
sitting on my deck on a warm summer night
how completely crazy some seemingly ordinary nights can turn
that there is a park on stoner avenue
walking through the library for cocktails on the roof of the standard
the sunset junction
star of india
the red lion tavern
being able to give directions to anywhere in the city
knowing that leonardo dicaprio lives here somewhere
the b dash
seeing my office building in every car commercial
having my groceries delivered
401 north sycamore
baja fresh
the cat & the fiddle
westwood village
brunch
sunsets over the ocean
~k
04 December 2008
30 November 2008
i can't help it, i can't...
1) i am trained to think critically and argue.
2) i am liberal.
3) i see the world through the lens of my experience and that's _never_ going to change.
4) all of the above are a deadly combo when politics comes into the discussion.
5) i think george w. bush is the biggest fucking moron on earth.
6) i think the economy is tanking because regulation (code word for a legal requirement that the books aren't being cooked to overvalue assets) was cast aside to allow the market to work itself out, fluctuate, and adjust according to the fluidity of a "free market". the only problem is that the element of greed was not considered, and as rich greedy assholes saw nothing but dollar signs standing in the way of the lessons of history (see 1762 when a housing bubble popped, credit crunched, and the resulting depression helped pave the road to the american revolution, for one; see the great depression, resulting from the bank failures following risky (see unregulated) investments in the railroad industry as example b), and those super-smart ivy-league educated business people ignored all signs of the inevitable end to the exorbitantly rising value of real estate, the blossoming 'burst' of the housing bubble, and the crunch for credit strangling the global market today (along with all of those grossly over-valued mortgage securities all wrapped up into tight little bundles of neatly packaged shit-pies sold to investors (ahem, us) as 'assets' (awesome!)).
7) i think the patriot act is an abomination, and i have seen the current administration spend eight years redlining the constitution to suit its agenda of greed and imperialism.
8) i think guns are neat-o, but i don't want one (for shit's sake, i can't even check the air pressure in my tires). i also don't see the problem in asking people to fill out a form, get a background check, and wait a few days before walking out of the gun store with a semi-automatic 12-guage shotgun.
9) i think education in the u.s. is _clearly_ benefiting the upper class. i think anyone who thinks otherwise is choosing blindness over sensibility. kids who go to public high school in beverly hills get better teachers, more money, better technology, better after-school and in-school programs, better books, more teachers, more electives, more safety, more opportunities. kids who go to public high school in compton, on the other hand, have to dodge bullets, peel their crack-whore moms up off the sidewalk, fight the pressure to join gangs their drug-pushing friends making an easy buck belong to, and search high and low for any support, encouragement, and opportunity to rise above all that to get an education (all of which takes place in a segment of society that does not value an education). dude, that one kid who makes it out of compton and into college has more character, strength, and maturity than all the beverly hills kids put together. for all the others who don't make it to college, is it the kids' fault for being born into compton instead of beverly hills, for not having equal access to eductation, for spending his/her formative years being woo'd to the dark side?
10) i think health care in this country is shameful as it, much like the above referenced crashing "free market", is motivated by greed. pharmaceutical companies, insurance companies, manufacturers of medical technology keep prices _so_ high that only the most fortunate of americans, who work for companies with a big bank account, can actually afford to be healthy. and shit, with my six-figure salary, and company sponsored health insurance, i can still barely keep up with the bills rolling in from my twice-yearly no-issue doctor visits. so, like education, health care is really only accessible to the upper class.
11) i think legal reform is necessary to bring down the costs of medical malpractice insurance (or the entirety of the field should be scrapped in favor of socialist health care).
12) i think anyone who doesn't believe in climate change or see the urgent necessity in preserving natural resources and eliminating our addiction to fossil fuels is stupid.
13) i think our addiction to fossil fuels is the only reason we wage a war in iraq.
14) i think the claim that we fight the war to spread democracy, to free people of a tyrannical, evil leader, is gobbledygook. if that were really the reason, why aren't we waging similar wars in somalia, rwanda, or darfur where genocide is as rampant as aids? oh, yeah, cuz there's no oil to drill?
15) i think our addiction to fossil fuel is the primary reason terrorists target americans, and i agree with former CIA director Jim Woolsey who said, "we are funding the rope for hanging outselves" for our (via the dipshit in chief) refusal to do anything significant post 9/11 to reduce our gasoline consumption.
16) i think the big 3 should not get a dime of taxpayer bailout money (see #'s 12-15).
17) i think if someone is against gay marriage, they should not get one and shut the fuck up.
18) i think religions' greatest contribution to the world is the spread of hate.
19) i think sean hannity should take a long walk off a short cliff.
20) i think i can be intolerant of the views of others. and while i probably don't really stand on the moral high ground from which i find myself looking down at the world, it is where i perch. and i'm okay with it. i accept me, flaws and all, liberalism and all, judgmentalism and all.
sorry.
~k
2) i am liberal.
3) i see the world through the lens of my experience and that's _never_ going to change.
4) all of the above are a deadly combo when politics comes into the discussion.
5) i think george w. bush is the biggest fucking moron on earth.
6) i think the economy is tanking because regulation (code word for a legal requirement that the books aren't being cooked to overvalue assets) was cast aside to allow the market to work itself out, fluctuate, and adjust according to the fluidity of a "free market". the only problem is that the element of greed was not considered, and as rich greedy assholes saw nothing but dollar signs standing in the way of the lessons of history (see 1762 when a housing bubble popped, credit crunched, and the resulting depression helped pave the road to the american revolution, for one; see the great depression, resulting from the bank failures following risky (see unregulated) investments in the railroad industry as example b), and those super-smart ivy-league educated business people ignored all signs of the inevitable end to the exorbitantly rising value of real estate, the blossoming 'burst' of the housing bubble, and the crunch for credit strangling the global market today (along with all of those grossly over-valued mortgage securities all wrapped up into tight little bundles of neatly packaged shit-pies sold to investors (ahem, us) as 'assets' (awesome!)).
7) i think the patriot act is an abomination, and i have seen the current administration spend eight years redlining the constitution to suit its agenda of greed and imperialism.
8) i think guns are neat-o, but i don't want one (for shit's sake, i can't even check the air pressure in my tires). i also don't see the problem in asking people to fill out a form, get a background check, and wait a few days before walking out of the gun store with a semi-automatic 12-guage shotgun.
9) i think education in the u.s. is _clearly_ benefiting the upper class. i think anyone who thinks otherwise is choosing blindness over sensibility. kids who go to public high school in beverly hills get better teachers, more money, better technology, better after-school and in-school programs, better books, more teachers, more electives, more safety, more opportunities. kids who go to public high school in compton, on the other hand, have to dodge bullets, peel their crack-whore moms up off the sidewalk, fight the pressure to join gangs their drug-pushing friends making an easy buck belong to, and search high and low for any support, encouragement, and opportunity to rise above all that to get an education (all of which takes place in a segment of society that does not value an education). dude, that one kid who makes it out of compton and into college has more character, strength, and maturity than all the beverly hills kids put together. for all the others who don't make it to college, is it the kids' fault for being born into compton instead of beverly hills, for not having equal access to eductation, for spending his/her formative years being woo'd to the dark side?
10) i think health care in this country is shameful as it, much like the above referenced crashing "free market", is motivated by greed. pharmaceutical companies, insurance companies, manufacturers of medical technology keep prices _so_ high that only the most fortunate of americans, who work for companies with a big bank account, can actually afford to be healthy. and shit, with my six-figure salary, and company sponsored health insurance, i can still barely keep up with the bills rolling in from my twice-yearly no-issue doctor visits. so, like education, health care is really only accessible to the upper class.
11) i think legal reform is necessary to bring down the costs of medical malpractice insurance (or the entirety of the field should be scrapped in favor of socialist health care).
12) i think anyone who doesn't believe in climate change or see the urgent necessity in preserving natural resources and eliminating our addiction to fossil fuels is stupid.
13) i think our addiction to fossil fuels is the only reason we wage a war in iraq.
14) i think the claim that we fight the war to spread democracy, to free people of a tyrannical, evil leader, is gobbledygook. if that were really the reason, why aren't we waging similar wars in somalia, rwanda, or darfur where genocide is as rampant as aids? oh, yeah, cuz there's no oil to drill?
15) i think our addiction to fossil fuel is the primary reason terrorists target americans, and i agree with former CIA director Jim Woolsey who said, "we are funding the rope for hanging outselves" for our (via the dipshit in chief) refusal to do anything significant post 9/11 to reduce our gasoline consumption.
16) i think the big 3 should not get a dime of taxpayer bailout money (see #'s 12-15).
17) i think if someone is against gay marriage, they should not get one and shut the fuck up.
18) i think religions' greatest contribution to the world is the spread of hate.
19) i think sean hannity should take a long walk off a short cliff.
20) i think i can be intolerant of the views of others. and while i probably don't really stand on the moral high ground from which i find myself looking down at the world, it is where i perch. and i'm okay with it. i accept me, flaws and all, liberalism and all, judgmentalism and all.
sorry.
~k
24 November 2008
finding me
i really was lost for a long time. i lived my life in a self-created bubble. i let the world see who i thought i wanted to be, who i even convinced myself i was, because i was too afraid to be the real me. i assumed the role of the person i thought the world wanted, because i was too afraid the world would reject the real me.
after falling all the way to the bottom of the firey pit of rocks from whence i've spent the last three years climbing, landing on my ass, tending to my wounds, and ascending to its rim with bleeding hands, and a tear-stained face, i have chosen to fear no more. i am who i am, i like who i am, and i don't give a damn if no one else or the world feels the same.
i embarked upon the campaign journey because i believed in obama's message of empowerment, and i believed that as president, he would be able to inspire a new generation of leadership. obama inspired me to believe that i can make the world a better place by believing in me. but i already believed that, i always had. since my days as a wayward kid, it had been my driving force, and i'd just forgotten. i mean, i've always been pretty fearless, have always taken the world by the reigns, never really doubted that i would someday be everything i wanted to be, everything i could be. and even though it was obama who reminded me that someday i could be, it wasn't until this past weekend that i realized that someday is today.
it was an epiphany weekend. it happened in a moment no one orchestrated. but a moment in time that hit me to my core when he said, "why don't you ever put your arms around me? why do you push me away instead of pull me closer to you?" he meant it physically. but it was a physical manifestation of my greatest fears living deep within my barricaded soul. i haven't been able to pull him closer, because the closer i feel myself get to him, the more i look for ways to push him away. i didn't want to love him. i'm too scared. i'm not ready. i'm too afraid that the minute i really open myself up again, and dare to risk my heart, i will encounter another crushing blow.
the thing is, who cares if i do. if i don't try, i'll never know. and even today, after all the heartache and pain i endured by living through the betrayel of another, it was worth it. the depth of emotion we shared, the complete and utter reckless abandon of all sensibility for the few moments of godlike joy we gave one another, the mad and crazy love that's been the inspiration behind the greatest stories ever told, is worth every bit of potential heartache it can bring.
i will spend the rest of my days striving to be a better me, and i'll probably never fully realize the ideal i know i can be (i do have a great many faults, after all), but i will try to always embrace opportunities to expand my horizons, experience new things, and do so with an eye toward bettering myself, instead of with an insular nose in the air (i am being way too hard on myself in this assessment, because i've always been fairly open-minded, but with a certain closed-minded air that i'm trying really hard to overcome). but i will always be okay with and love, adore, and accept the me i am today, and that day. and while i will never approach love with the reckless abandon that once called my shots, i will not let fear stand in my way of having another shot at that mad, crazy love that inspires the world's greatest feats.
~k
after falling all the way to the bottom of the firey pit of rocks from whence i've spent the last three years climbing, landing on my ass, tending to my wounds, and ascending to its rim with bleeding hands, and a tear-stained face, i have chosen to fear no more. i am who i am, i like who i am, and i don't give a damn if no one else or the world feels the same.
i embarked upon the campaign journey because i believed in obama's message of empowerment, and i believed that as president, he would be able to inspire a new generation of leadership. obama inspired me to believe that i can make the world a better place by believing in me. but i already believed that, i always had. since my days as a wayward kid, it had been my driving force, and i'd just forgotten. i mean, i've always been pretty fearless, have always taken the world by the reigns, never really doubted that i would someday be everything i wanted to be, everything i could be. and even though it was obama who reminded me that someday i could be, it wasn't until this past weekend that i realized that someday is today.
it was an epiphany weekend. it happened in a moment no one orchestrated. but a moment in time that hit me to my core when he said, "why don't you ever put your arms around me? why do you push me away instead of pull me closer to you?" he meant it physically. but it was a physical manifestation of my greatest fears living deep within my barricaded soul. i haven't been able to pull him closer, because the closer i feel myself get to him, the more i look for ways to push him away. i didn't want to love him. i'm too scared. i'm not ready. i'm too afraid that the minute i really open myself up again, and dare to risk my heart, i will encounter another crushing blow.
the thing is, who cares if i do. if i don't try, i'll never know. and even today, after all the heartache and pain i endured by living through the betrayel of another, it was worth it. the depth of emotion we shared, the complete and utter reckless abandon of all sensibility for the few moments of godlike joy we gave one another, the mad and crazy love that's been the inspiration behind the greatest stories ever told, is worth every bit of potential heartache it can bring.
i will spend the rest of my days striving to be a better me, and i'll probably never fully realize the ideal i know i can be (i do have a great many faults, after all), but i will try to always embrace opportunities to expand my horizons, experience new things, and do so with an eye toward bettering myself, instead of with an insular nose in the air (i am being way too hard on myself in this assessment, because i've always been fairly open-minded, but with a certain closed-minded air that i'm trying really hard to overcome). but i will always be okay with and love, adore, and accept the me i am today, and that day. and while i will never approach love with the reckless abandon that once called my shots, i will not let fear stand in my way of having another shot at that mad, crazy love that inspires the world's greatest feats.
~k
16 November 2008
my return from paradise
just this morning i returned from my week in kauai, sun-kissed and feeling settled in mind, heart, and soul for the first time in a very long time. i've got my eye back on the ball, and i know what i want from my life, and which direction to set my sail.
when i left on this trip, i hoped to accomplish two goals. the first was to get a better feel for hallway boy and our relationship (i mean, we'd never spent more than 24 hours together before embarking on a 6-day, 6-night baller vaca together), and secondly, to figure out what the hell i want to do now that the campaign no longer holds my life without ransom. and i feel pretty confident that i found the answers i sought.
let's start with hallway boy. i s'pose the best place is his sense of humor, our sense of humor. i have never in my life laughed as much as i do when i'm with him. he is _the_ funniest boy i have ever met, and even though he would probably say that it's because i'm a top-notch peanut gallery, i will tell you it's because his sharp tongue and even sharper wit keeps me in stitches. the guy doesn't miss a beat. and it helps that he laughs at all of my jokes too, even the ones most people don't get or just miss. it's kinda awesome.
jubilance or none, hallway boy and i spent six days and six nights together, ate every meal together, and had a great time all day, every day. we were equal parts adventurous and lazy. we checked out the entire island of kauai (by jeep, helicopter, and kayak), he helped me in and out of the ocean (i'm a ginormous chicken when it comes to sharks, waves, rocks, and mother nature possessing control over and above my comfort level), and he saved both our lives (maybe i'm being slightly over-dramatic here) when the cross currents between the wailua river and the pacific ocean tried to own our kayak. we were on the same page about everything. we only had one argument the whole time, and get this, it was over the patriot act. we've been dating long enough now that we're no longer on our best behavior, and we only spat once and it was over something political (we vehemently disagree on the security vs. liberty debate). it was wonderful, he was wonderful, the island was stunning, and the vacation was the best i've had in a very long time (i hesitate to say 'ever' only because i've had some great vacations, but the hesitation is very slight, because nothing went wrong in a situation that coulda been disastrous).
and for the me part.
i hate to write it, admit it to the universe, and at the same time be okay with it. but i know what i want and i need to be okay with being me. so here goes. i want to be a writer and a wife and a mom. i love my life here, i love my day job, i love the stories that brew in my head, and i love my friends, my apartment, my town (even if it reeks of smoke right now). i don't want to move to the other side of the country to start a new life in a new career, especially one as pernicious as politics. i don't want to be someone's bitch, even if it is in the obama administration. the fact is, i can do more here. i can volunteer here, be an active member of my community, and change the world one life at a time, one life i can empower at a time. there, i said it. it's out there. i admitted it. now i can stop fretting about not doing enough to change the world, and just live my life and be happy.
and so i once again find paulo coelho ringing in my head, "it's true; life really is generous to those who pursue their personal legend..." and now i am setting my sail back in the direction of my personal legend.
look out world.
~k
when i left on this trip, i hoped to accomplish two goals. the first was to get a better feel for hallway boy and our relationship (i mean, we'd never spent more than 24 hours together before embarking on a 6-day, 6-night baller vaca together), and secondly, to figure out what the hell i want to do now that the campaign no longer holds my life without ransom. and i feel pretty confident that i found the answers i sought.
let's start with hallway boy. i s'pose the best place is his sense of humor, our sense of humor. i have never in my life laughed as much as i do when i'm with him. he is _the_ funniest boy i have ever met, and even though he would probably say that it's because i'm a top-notch peanut gallery, i will tell you it's because his sharp tongue and even sharper wit keeps me in stitches. the guy doesn't miss a beat. and it helps that he laughs at all of my jokes too, even the ones most people don't get or just miss. it's kinda awesome.
jubilance or none, hallway boy and i spent six days and six nights together, ate every meal together, and had a great time all day, every day. we were equal parts adventurous and lazy. we checked out the entire island of kauai (by jeep, helicopter, and kayak), he helped me in and out of the ocean (i'm a ginormous chicken when it comes to sharks, waves, rocks, and mother nature possessing control over and above my comfort level), and he saved both our lives (maybe i'm being slightly over-dramatic here) when the cross currents between the wailua river and the pacific ocean tried to own our kayak. we were on the same page about everything. we only had one argument the whole time, and get this, it was over the patriot act. we've been dating long enough now that we're no longer on our best behavior, and we only spat once and it was over something political (we vehemently disagree on the security vs. liberty debate). it was wonderful, he was wonderful, the island was stunning, and the vacation was the best i've had in a very long time (i hesitate to say 'ever' only because i've had some great vacations, but the hesitation is very slight, because nothing went wrong in a situation that coulda been disastrous).
and for the me part.
i hate to write it, admit it to the universe, and at the same time be okay with it. but i know what i want and i need to be okay with being me. so here goes. i want to be a writer and a wife and a mom. i love my life here, i love my day job, i love the stories that brew in my head, and i love my friends, my apartment, my town (even if it reeks of smoke right now). i don't want to move to the other side of the country to start a new life in a new career, especially one as pernicious as politics. i don't want to be someone's bitch, even if it is in the obama administration. the fact is, i can do more here. i can volunteer here, be an active member of my community, and change the world one life at a time, one life i can empower at a time. there, i said it. it's out there. i admitted it. now i can stop fretting about not doing enough to change the world, and just live my life and be happy.
and so i once again find paulo coelho ringing in my head, "it's true; life really is generous to those who pursue their personal legend..." and now i am setting my sail back in the direction of my personal legend.
look out world.
~k
07 November 2008
a day in a surreal life
surreal - having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal; fantastic
today is friday. tuesday was three days ago. it feels like three weeks. and i'm three weeks of tired in three days...
this week has been a whirlwind of epic proportion. i'm in the middle of a tornado, and it's not the eye.
on tuesday, we won. the collective we made a statement to the country and the world that we are different. we have torn down the barriers of race, worked through the hate and bigotry, said 'no' to the failed policies of george w. bush, and made it abundantly clear that we want change.
on tuesday, i won. i won the greatest achievement of my life. for the first time in my entire life, i gave my _everything_ and found, at the end of a long, exhausting and great journey, that giving everything can and does pay back in spades. i won. though my contributions, in the grand scheme of things, are/were fairly miniscule, i know i made a difference. and i couldn't be more proud that i did change the world (a little bit). i know this, even if i can't really feel and know what that means.
winning the election is and was the greatest feeling of accomplishment i've ever known. the sweet taste of victory still lingers, three days later. but it was seeing indiana turn blue that gave me a real and personal sense of unrivaled pride and joy. it was the most rewarding piece of the electoral thumping we handed to the republican party. and it will be with me till the end of my days. indiana went blue. indiana. i did that. obviously i wasn't alone as it took a large army of soldiers of change, but i was a big part of that, and it makes it all the more personal.
in the three days since tuesday, i have had a conference call with barack obama in which he praised this victory as "ours" and said that he expected to see many of us in washington in january, i applied for one of those washington positions, hopped onto a plane to san francisco to get back to that day job work i've long been relegating to the back burner, ran a meeting i've been anticipating for weeks, and booked a trip to spend a week in paradise with hallway boy (though he's the one that did the actual planning and booking of that trip).
i'm tired. i'm emotionally and mentally drained. it hasn't even registered (not really) that this journey has ended, that this thing is over, that we won, that barack obama is our next president. i'm swirling about some cloudy, beautiful dream in which america and i have taken a step in the right direction, but can't even wake up enough to truly savor what that means, or where i play in to whatever comes next. i'm simply floating in the peripheral wave of the celebratory mood of our country, without allowing its meaning, its end, and its beginning to really sink in...
i think i'm just stuck in the blues of what now. i'm three days this side of tuesday and i don't know who or what i am or what and who i'm meant to be and how i'm meant to play a role in the world we're destined to change. i just know i'm tired, i can't see through the fuzz of the past week and the past nine months, and i can't see tomorrow or any day beyond... 'what now?' is all i really see, know, and feel. what now???
today is friday. tuesday was three days ago. it feels like three weeks. and i'm three weeks of tired in three days...
this week has been a whirlwind of epic proportion. i'm in the middle of a tornado, and it's not the eye.
on tuesday, we won. the collective we made a statement to the country and the world that we are different. we have torn down the barriers of race, worked through the hate and bigotry, said 'no' to the failed policies of george w. bush, and made it abundantly clear that we want change.
on tuesday, i won. i won the greatest achievement of my life. for the first time in my entire life, i gave my _everything_ and found, at the end of a long, exhausting and great journey, that giving everything can and does pay back in spades. i won. though my contributions, in the grand scheme of things, are/were fairly miniscule, i know i made a difference. and i couldn't be more proud that i did change the world (a little bit). i know this, even if i can't really feel and know what that means.
winning the election is and was the greatest feeling of accomplishment i've ever known. the sweet taste of victory still lingers, three days later. but it was seeing indiana turn blue that gave me a real and personal sense of unrivaled pride and joy. it was the most rewarding piece of the electoral thumping we handed to the republican party. and it will be with me till the end of my days. indiana went blue. indiana. i did that. obviously i wasn't alone as it took a large army of soldiers of change, but i was a big part of that, and it makes it all the more personal.
in the three days since tuesday, i have had a conference call with barack obama in which he praised this victory as "ours" and said that he expected to see many of us in washington in january, i applied for one of those washington positions, hopped onto a plane to san francisco to get back to that day job work i've long been relegating to the back burner, ran a meeting i've been anticipating for weeks, and booked a trip to spend a week in paradise with hallway boy (though he's the one that did the actual planning and booking of that trip).
i'm tired. i'm emotionally and mentally drained. it hasn't even registered (not really) that this journey has ended, that this thing is over, that we won, that barack obama is our next president. i'm swirling about some cloudy, beautiful dream in which america and i have taken a step in the right direction, but can't even wake up enough to truly savor what that means, or where i play in to whatever comes next. i'm simply floating in the peripheral wave of the celebratory mood of our country, without allowing its meaning, its end, and its beginning to really sink in...
i think i'm just stuck in the blues of what now. i'm three days this side of tuesday and i don't know who or what i am or what and who i'm meant to be and how i'm meant to play a role in the world we're destined to change. i just know i'm tired, i can't see through the fuzz of the past week and the past nine months, and i can't see tomorrow or any day beyond... 'what now?' is all i really see, know, and feel. what now???
04 November 2008
game day
i'm sitting in ballroom in the basement of the century plaza hotel, surrounded by at least 200 volunteers, who've made more than 30,000 calls in the past seven and a half hours. the energy in this room is almost as exhilarating as the remarkable scene before me. just close your eyes and imagine a room full of 200 people, in all different sizes, shapes, colors, and background. accents a plenty, representing cities and countries around the world, white middle-aged business men in their suits and ties sitting next to young african american athletes in their ucla sweatpants. big-name actors camped out next to small store clerks, retired folks, and kids who've taken the day off high school. a room truly representative of the melting pot this country claims to be, making calls to elect Barack Obama our next president.
i'm pretty sure this is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in my life. not just this moment, not just this day, not just this gotv weekend, but the whole thing. the whole journey. this campaign, rooted in the grassy knolls of every hill in america, is about folks of all walks of life choosing hope over fear, unity over division, and the promise of change over the power of the status quo. it's about all of us choosing america's better history. today.
no matter what happens today (though all bullshitting aside, i will be more devastated than i've ever been if we don't win this thing), something extraordinary has been happening in america these past twenty months. we've seen communities coming together for the betterment of neighborhoods, cities, the country, our families and our own selves. i've been here for nine months of it, have seen it with my own eyes, and felt something magical stirring in my own soul. this is the america i want to call home, americans i want to call my friends and family, this is a place i can be proud to call my country, and i hope and pray with every exhale of breath that we win today.
we have to win today. it's our time. it feels right. it feels necessary. it feels now. it feels like we really are one people, believing in and fighting for the country we can just glimpse through the tunnel of darkness, at the end of which lies that higher ideal where equal opportunity exists, and every american has the potential to be its best and brightest. and that together, we can do this. YES WE CAN!
we're almost there. it's 2pm on the west coast. i'm 10 hours into today. the polls will start closing in a coupla hours on the east coast. i'm reminding myself to keep breathing, and i'm fighting back tears with every ounce of resolve i can muster. the finish line is there. i can see it. i can feel it, the final stretch of a long and stormy race...
i'm pretty sure this is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in my life. not just this moment, not just this day, not just this gotv weekend, but the whole thing. the whole journey. this campaign, rooted in the grassy knolls of every hill in america, is about folks of all walks of life choosing hope over fear, unity over division, and the promise of change over the power of the status quo. it's about all of us choosing america's better history. today.
no matter what happens today (though all bullshitting aside, i will be more devastated than i've ever been if we don't win this thing), something extraordinary has been happening in america these past twenty months. we've seen communities coming together for the betterment of neighborhoods, cities, the country, our families and our own selves. i've been here for nine months of it, have seen it with my own eyes, and felt something magical stirring in my own soul. this is the america i want to call home, americans i want to call my friends and family, this is a place i can be proud to call my country, and i hope and pray with every exhale of breath that we win today.
we have to win today. it's our time. it feels right. it feels necessary. it feels now. it feels like we really are one people, believing in and fighting for the country we can just glimpse through the tunnel of darkness, at the end of which lies that higher ideal where equal opportunity exists, and every american has the potential to be its best and brightest. and that together, we can do this. YES WE CAN!
we're almost there. it's 2pm on the west coast. i'm 10 hours into today. the polls will start closing in a coupla hours on the east coast. i'm reminding myself to keep breathing, and i'm fighting back tears with every ounce of resolve i can muster. the finish line is there. i can see it. i can feel it, the final stretch of a long and stormy race...
02 November 2008
gotmfv
it's my 4th and final gotv for this campaign. i spent this afternoon and evening helping to set up for tomorrow and tuesday's big, official phone bank at the century plaza hotel. my job is the on-site motivator. cuz that's what i do best. and i have to be "on" for the next 48 hours. i report for duty at 5:30 tomorrow morning, and i'll be there till wednesday, getting out the mother fucking vote.
this is a real mixed moment for me. as i've discussed is great and painful detail in prior blogs, this gotv weekend marks the end of the greatest journey of my life. and that thought terrifies me. but i am so excited that a new dawn is about to break for america, and for me, that i look to tuesday with as much joyful anticipation as i do fearful.
i can hear and feel the excitement on meet the press, i feel in the air, i could see it in the faces of people responding to the shirts hallway boy and i wore today (we were obama'd out while running around), i feel it deep in my soul. i'm still scared shitless that dems won't get to the polls on tuesday, and even though it's frazzled at its ends, my faith is feeling very strong. and i feel that this isn't just another presidential election, it's not about a man running for office, but this is a time in america's fate where a new leadership is meant to take the reigns, a younger, fresher, open-minded, and courageously daring america, governed of the people, by the people, and for the people. the people of today. the people who see the modern world for what it is, who know and understand the internet, a global economy, and that diplomacy is a more effective means of spreading democracy than a damn stupid war. i mean, an evolved mind is a terrible thing to waste, especially for such nonsense as oil, money, and greed.
so, assuming my gut's not too far off, looks like the dems will have a chance to begin to crack away at the wall of shit george bush and cronies have built around america, and that a new light will soon begin to emerge. that can only mean that a bright new light will emerge for me as well...
i keep saying this, but when i look to my future, i still have no idea what to see on the other side of tuesday. no idea at all, cept for the very near short-term.
i will go back to my day job, which has been on the back-burner for the past few months and needs a lot of my attention. i've got a novel sitting on my coffee table that i'm committed to sending out by the end of this year (yep, december 31. right here, in writing, novel off my table, out of my hands, into the universe, by the end of this year). and i've got some loose ends in need of tying in my personal life. add to that, a resume tossed into the stack of wanna-be obama administration staffers, and i've got potential roads going every which way. it seems i am going to have to tend to some decisions, instead of jumping off cliffs and hoping for a smooth landing.
i know what i want. it's what i've wanted all along. i want to write, i want to travel a lot, and i want to do it with my lover and our kids. now i've got to make the desisions that get me there the right way... or i guess i could just close my eyes and jump off another cliff...
this is a real mixed moment for me. as i've discussed is great and painful detail in prior blogs, this gotv weekend marks the end of the greatest journey of my life. and that thought terrifies me. but i am so excited that a new dawn is about to break for america, and for me, that i look to tuesday with as much joyful anticipation as i do fearful.
i can hear and feel the excitement on meet the press, i feel in the air, i could see it in the faces of people responding to the shirts hallway boy and i wore today (we were obama'd out while running around), i feel it deep in my soul. i'm still scared shitless that dems won't get to the polls on tuesday, and even though it's frazzled at its ends, my faith is feeling very strong. and i feel that this isn't just another presidential election, it's not about a man running for office, but this is a time in america's fate where a new leadership is meant to take the reigns, a younger, fresher, open-minded, and courageously daring america, governed of the people, by the people, and for the people. the people of today. the people who see the modern world for what it is, who know and understand the internet, a global economy, and that diplomacy is a more effective means of spreading democracy than a damn stupid war. i mean, an evolved mind is a terrible thing to waste, especially for such nonsense as oil, money, and greed.
so, assuming my gut's not too far off, looks like the dems will have a chance to begin to crack away at the wall of shit george bush and cronies have built around america, and that a new light will soon begin to emerge. that can only mean that a bright new light will emerge for me as well...
i keep saying this, but when i look to my future, i still have no idea what to see on the other side of tuesday. no idea at all, cept for the very near short-term.
i will go back to my day job, which has been on the back-burner for the past few months and needs a lot of my attention. i've got a novel sitting on my coffee table that i'm committed to sending out by the end of this year (yep, december 31. right here, in writing, novel off my table, out of my hands, into the universe, by the end of this year). and i've got some loose ends in need of tying in my personal life. add to that, a resume tossed into the stack of wanna-be obama administration staffers, and i've got potential roads going every which way. it seems i am going to have to tend to some decisions, instead of jumping off cliffs and hoping for a smooth landing.
i know what i want. it's what i've wanted all along. i want to write, i want to travel a lot, and i want to do it with my lover and our kids. now i've got to make the desisions that get me there the right way... or i guess i could just close my eyes and jump off another cliff...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)